Treats and Tricksters

Wanna Trade?

It was a perfect plan, courtesy of Nick and Winston. Why should trick or treating only be reserved for children? Grown men like costumes and free candy just as much as any five year old!

They needed something that was all concealing, something that would make it easy to hide their age. In the end, they decided on the classic sheet ghost. Winston added a little extra flare, and holes, to turn himself into Charlie Brown. It actually wasn't half bad.

The night went off without a hitch. They would rush up to the door and kneel on the ground before knocking on the door. They spoke in a higher pitch to appear as children, and only after they received their candy, did they reveal their prank.

All three men stood to their full height, giving their thanks as they rushed off into the night. Some people laughed, some people yelled at them and threatened to call the cops, and some offered even more candy for the trick.

When they made it back to the loft, they celebrated by dumping out their bags on the floor and huddling around their respective pile of candy. They turned on the first live action Scooby Doo movie and dug into their earnings, giggling amongst themselves as they recounted the night through mouthfuls of chocolate.

"I'll give you this Three Musketeers if you give me that Kit Kat," Winston offered, and Nick immediately tossed over the requested piece, catching the Kit Kat with one hand.

"How 'bout you Schmidt? Wanna trade?" Nick asked, tearing a wrapper open with his teeth.

"You really shouldn't do that," Winston advised, only to be brushed off.

"Who cares?"

"I don't know, whatcha got?" Schmidt asked, scooting closer to examine his hoard of sweets.

"I'll give you.. this Twix for... a Butterfinger," he bargained. It seemed to be a fair trade, so Schmidt nodded.

"Yeah that sounds fair- WAIT! What the hell is that?" he asked, pointing at the offending chocolate.

"A Twix, I literally just said that," Nick clearly didn't see what the problem was.

"That's that fucking piece of candy you picked up from the road!" he accused. "You want me to eat road candy!"

"Nick!" Winston scolded, taking Schmidt's side.

"What? No it's not! How can you even remember what it looked like? That was hours ago!" Nick went on the defensive.

"That candy is smushed to shit, just look at it! And I remember it was a Twix!" Schmidt argued.

"If it was, so what? It's still inside the wrapper, and only the wrapper touched the road! The candy's still good man!"

"You did not just say that," Schmidt said in disgust.

"I have to agree, that's nasty," Winston nodded along. Nick stared at them in shock.

"How is it nasty? It's literally in the wrapper!"

"Do you know how many children have stepped on that tonight?" Schmidt questioned, hands on his hips as he cocked his head expectantly.

"It's in the wrapper!" he repeated yet again, as if that would make any difference.

"That was in the middle of the road! Cars ran over it, there are tire tracks all over it!"

"Oho my God, do you even hear yourself Schmidt? There's nothing on it!" He crawled closer, holding it up for them to see. They both cried out and scrambled away.

"Get that thing away from me!"

"Get it out of my face!"

"You're both ridiculous, I'm gonna prove there's nothing wrong with it," Nick decided to settle this once and for all. The ripped open the package, notably using his hands, and popped it in his mouth.

The screech that escaped Schmidt was an ungodly pitch.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he screamed with all the air in his lungs before pouching at his friend. Nick yelped in shock before he was pinned to the ground, still trying to chew.

"Dude what the hell? You're gonna make me choke!"

"Spit it out! Now!" he demanded, sounding almost scary. Nick shook his head, only to be grabbed by the jaw as Schmidt tried to pry his mouth open. Like a fucking dog.

He swallowed the chewy crumbs of the crushed Twix with a satisfying grin. He opened his mouth wide, sticking his tongue out to show that nothing remained.

"See? And I didn't die," he said smugly. Schmidt leveled him with a harsh glare.

"You will."

Before Nick could question what he meant, he was laughing hysterically. Schmidt clawed at his belly, vibrating his hands into the soft pudge around his middle.

"Ohoho fuhuck you! Stohohop!" Nick cried out, slapping and shoving at his hands.

"No way, you didn't listen! So now you have to suffer the consequences of your actions!" he declared, kneading his sides and drawing out a snort. He writhed on the ground, legs kicking out frantically until Winston wrestled them to the ground.

"Nohoho! Dohon't you dahahahare!" he threatened through shrill giggles. He tried to kick his legs free, but that effort quickly became thwarted when he felt fingers scribbling over his arches.

"We just wanna protect you from yourself!" Winston explained, sounding all too happy about the current predicament.

"Ihihi dohon't need protecting!" he whined, flailing as he tried to escape. It truly was a useless effort.

"Clearly you do! What other food would you eat off the ground?" Schmidt asked, pinching his sides, slowly working his way to his ribs.

"Ehehever heard ohof thehehe five sehecond rule?" he managed to sass through wild laughter.

"That does not apply to outside!" he growled, digging in to make his point. Nick arched his back with a loud shriek, frantically clawing at the ground to pull himself free from his friends' torturous grasp.

Nick snorted when he reached his bottom rib, and his hands flew up to cover his mouth. He'd always hated the sound of his laugh; it was loud and dorky, high pitched, and to top it all off, he snorted too much for his liking.

So of course they couldn't get enough of it.

"Aww, would you look at that? You do know how to smile!" Schmidt cooed, reaching up to pat his cheek condescendingly. Nick growled through his giggles as he desperately tried to fight him off, to no avail.

"Ohoho kiss my ahahahass!" he yelled, because mouthing off was the only thing he could do. The sound of two collective gasps didn't bode well for Nick.

"That not very nice! Here we are, trying to look out for you, and you insult us to our faces!" Winston exclaimed, squeezing up his calves on his way to his knees. Nick convulsed and wheezed, kicking his legs out as much as possible within his grasp.

"Ohoho shihihit! Stohohop! Ihihi hahahate you!" he screamed through hysterics. His mouth hung open in a wide, carefree smile, nose scrunched in the classic Nick Miller fashion.

"Think you found a good spot, why don't you stay there for a bit?" Schmidt suggested.

"NO!" he protested immediately, and they both laughed him off. "Damnit, whahahat doho you want from mehehe?" he whined in defeat.

"Well at first I was doing this to teach you a lesson about not eating food from the street, but now we're just having some good ol' Halloween fun!" Schmidt cheered before skittering his fingers up and down his ribs.

"Nohoho we're nohohot!" he argued.

"Sure we are!" Winston agreed. "You gotta have a trick to go with your treat!" he justified before finally clawing at the backs of his knees, drawing out another snort and squeal.

It was just some festive fun. And if they just so happened to be getting revenge for something else, he didn't have to know.

Even if they were pretty sure he already did.