letters to my future husband

💕

31/8/24

To my future husband,

You are the man I'm going to see 5-10 years from now. When I first bump into you, I won't know that you'll be the man I marry. But as I get to know you, I'll discover the kindness deep inside you. I'll find you at your core and recognize you as the man I've been craving. I have no clue where you are right now, or where you will be—hopefully somewhere between New York and Dhaka. We'll probably date many people in the meantime, hoping we've found each other, only to realize that it wasn't you—my future husband—all along.

Sometimes, I sit by my window and look into the lonely sky. The moon looks back at me, and it's almost as if I can paint your picture in the night sky. But I really can't, because I don't know what my future husband looks like. I probably visualize the guy I'm talking to at the moment or an old school crush. Deep down, I can't identify where you are or when I'll finally see you, but sometimes this wait feels exhausting. My eyes get damp, and my heart beats faster as I feel so lonely. I wish I had your arms wrapped around me; I can only imagine your invisible warmth helping me fall asleep.

I make up scenarios where I imagine us together, dropping the kids off and sharing a cup of tea on our humble balcony. It's strange to think that if you saw me now, you might be in a relationship with someone else. If you saw me a while later, I might be in a relationship too, thinking I've found you but not knowing I truly haven't. The fact that the universe and God have carefully crafted the time and place we meet is both beautiful and a miracle. It's not going to be "right person, wrong time"—it'll be "right person, right time."

When I go to weddings and see happy brides, oh, how much I wish I were there as your wife. I'd make you breakfast in bed, watch the sunrise together, and then we'd go our separate ways, only to come home—to our home, your home, where I belong. Like Cinderella, I'll find the place where I fit. I'll no longer feel like the "other woman," but your woman. I'll no longer feel out of place, because finally, I will belong.

Oh Lord, You created us in pairs. If we stay alive, we will find our way through our connected fates. That thought brings me joy, but this wait, not finding you yet, leaves wounds in my heart that only meeting you can heal. I always say I'm a strong woman with high standards, but deep down, there's nothing I wouldn't do for you. All I want in return is to be loved unconditionally by you, my future husband. For you, my pen has ink for words to flow. For you, each new day is worth living, knowing that with every passing day, I'm closer to you.

If you weren't out there, I might have ended it all. But knowing that somewhere in this world, you exist—so far yet so close—brings me a joy I can't explain. It's bittersweet knowing you're there but not knowing where or when I'll finally be with you. Some days, the men around me, the ones I thought I saw pieces of "you" in, make me feel worthless, make me feel like an object, make me feel insecure and undeserving of love. But I still hold onto hope, realizing you and I are meant to be. I nitpick every inch of my skin and every pound gained or lost, hoping to be your dream woman. Sometimes, I feel that's why you aren't here yet—but just know, I'll keep improving myself until I'm worthy of your love.

If time could speed up, or if I could stop wearing my heart on my sleeve, maybe I'd be happier. But deep down, you are the happiness and hope I'm living for.

All yours, entirely. I love you, without even knowing you.

Your future wife.