I could never learn to Love another

Guilt and Shame

"...shit" she whispered as she saw how packed the Bus was. She entered and found a place where she could hold on to Something. The Bus filled with people behind her meaning she couldnt move without bumping into people.
One of her hands Held onto a Seat next to her as the other Put on another Song on her phone. She tucked the Phone away into her Pocket after she got a good Song.
'oh hell No. No, No ,No. Please...oh fuck. Its her.' Taylor thought when she noticed that the Person she missed so dearly was in the Seat she was Holding on to.
'fucking damnit. Please. Dont Look at me, dont notice me. Its already Bad enough.', her mind raced with thoughts.
You See, she Loved that Girl. But by the time she Had realized that, it Had been too late. She was the reason their friendship broke. And she would never forgive herself for all the Things she Had done. She Had been a terrible friend. And the guilt and Shame ate her each time she remembered.

The Road wasnt nice to anyone either. It was bumpy and wet. Means Taylor Had to make Sure she doesnt Slip or Fall, all while trying Not to Freak Out and hug the Girl.

Alex. That was her Name. Alex Williams. They Had been Friends for nine years until Alex broke contact. That day Taylor stayed at home, otherwise she would have a Panic attak. It was a Lot. How can you Lice with the thought that you broke your best Friends trust. Even If it was by accident?
Its true, she never realized that what she did was wrong. But it wasnt entirely her fault. Alex Had an online Boyfriend at that time. Wich cheated on her. And when Taylor Had tried to threaten the Boy for hurting Alex her Feelings, she Said that It was fine because 'he promised me ducks'. Taylor was Heartbroken. This Guy wasnt good for Alex. He was a cheater, and a Bad Person. He is a gaslighter. Thats what she Always thought. And its the truth. He never treated her best friend right. And when Taylor Had accidently did Something to Hurt Alex her Trust, He told her to Break contact to her. She cant be Friends with Someone that isnt good for her, right?
Fucking hypocrit.
Taylor Always hated the Dude, even when Alex was head-over heels for that Guy. Maybe she was Jealous of him, or maybe she wanted to protect Alex. She wasnt sure.

But that wasnt her Problem anymore. She wasnt in the Girls Life anymore after all. She hasnt been there for 3 years now.
Sure, there were Times where they would See each other. But each time, they stayed quiet and ignored each other. Yet, it Hurt Taylor. Each time. She longed Hearing the Girls voice. She yearned for her Touch. Hugs, Hand Holding and whatever else they did when they were Friends. Sometimes Alex would have even sat down straight on her lap at Lunch time Back when they were Friends.
Taylor missed it all.

Another bump caused Taylor to slightly Slip, she tried Holding onto the Seat. She did. Otlr so she thought. When she looked Up she Held onto Alex her arm.
They looked at each other in shock for a while before Taylor stood Up straight and Help onto the Seat again. Her Gaze was fixated on the world outside the Bus, her mind kept racing. But this time Out of embarrassment.

"...Here." Alex spoke as she moved her Backpack over and sat by the window, allowing Taylor to sit next to her.
'huh.' was the Girls only thought as she took a Seat next to the brunette Girl.
They didnt spoke to each other as they sat next to each other.
The silence was uncomfortable to say the least, both Girls sat straight and tried their best Not the accidently Touch each other.

'...this would be the best time to Show her the apollogies that I wrote years ago', Taylor thought.
She wrote Pages of saying sorry on her phone, yet she never showed them to the Girl they are directed to.

"...how have you been?", Taylor asked, her Tone quiet and almost whisper Like.