Till Baby Do Us Part

Shadows

"Am I that bad?" he repeated, and I could only stare at him. I honestly didn't want to reply because I could see the tears welling in his eyes.

Tay wasn't a bad person, but he wasn't a very good husband and father. He made efforts, but it wasn't enough. He'd go to work as early as 8:00 a.m. and come back at 9:00 p.m., and lately, it was even worse. Sometimes he'd leave by 6:00 a.m. and return as late as midnight. I began to feel like he was tired of us—that he stayed out so late because he wanted to avoid home. But I was too afraid to ask, afraid that confronting the truth would confirm my worst fears. I loved him too much to risk it, so I let him do as he wished, hoping he'd eventually see how unhappy I was and change. But the change never came, and the home we'd built together began to fall apart piece by piece.

When Fah's due date approached, Tay and I tried to prepare for the twins' arrival. Our five-bedroom house was perfect. We decided that Milk and Mild would share a room until they turned ten, then they could choose their own spaces. We argued playfully over turning one of the other rooms into a library or a cinema; I wanted a theater, but Tay longed for a library. But even small disagreements like this faded as we grew too busy to revisit them.

Preparing for the twins meant baby-proofing, setting up their nursery, taking parenting classes, and bracing ourselves mentally. The hardest decision was choosing who would stay home. After many late-night discussions, we decided that I'd quit work until the twins were at least six. It wasn't easy, but it made sense—Tay's career was more stable, and it would be simpler for me to restart in engineering later than economics, also I was younger which meant I still had time unlike Tay. Tay reassured me that he'd support us, and that once the kids were older, I'd finally get the chance to pursue the career I dreamed of. His promises soothed me, and I settled into my new role with hope.

The day Milk and Mild arrived was both terrifying and wonderful. They came on July 19, a day before Tay's birthday, and their presence washed away all the stress we'd been carrying, replacing it with a happiness I couldn't contain.
But my happiness started to slip away as the months passed. Three months in, Tay spent even more time at work, and I felt a creeping sense of isolation. Friends shared their career milestones online; even Inn had completed his Master's degree. Meanwhile, I was here every day, feeling stuck. I loved being with my children, but the monotony of it all began to wear on me. I tried to learn new skills online, but with two infants, every free moment I had was spent catching up on sleep.

At six months, Tay felt even more distant. I wanted to tell him how I felt, but there never seemed to be enough time. We didn't even have time for sex, which was strange, given how much Tay liked it and how often we used to passionately make love till the point we thought it was embarrassing. One night, I made a move, but Tay complained about work so much that I was instantly turned off. Another time, he initiated, but I was too exhausted from caring for the kids. It's been nearly seven months since we last touched each other.

The twins turned one, and with preschool on the horizon, I decided to pursue my Master's degree. I hadn't told Tay yet; I wasn't sure how he'd react. But I knew I needed something for myself again.

"New, you aren't better either," he said one night, his tone sharp.

"What?" I was taken aback, thrown off balance.
her," Tay said suddenly.

"What?" I was surprised by his words.

"Have you ever asked me about my work? Have you asked why I'm so drained, so tired? Why I've been out of touch?" Tay's voice softened as he placed a now-sleeping Milk on the bed, while I cradled Mild, who was dozing off too. I had wanted to talk this out, but I never planned to do it here, at the hospital.

"Tay, you know why," I said, hoping to end the conversation.

"I do, do you?" he replied, his voice raising slightly. I felt anger bubbling up. I wasn't ready for this, but he seemed more than ready to start an argument.
"Yeah, so you can sleep around with all the boys and men in your line of work."

"Yeah, so you can sleep around with all the boys and men in your line of work."

"What?" Tay looked at me in disbelief, but I didn't care anymore. I gently laid Mild down beside her sister.

"Yes, Tay, I saw you with my own eyes, laughing and being all handsy right in front of the bar close to your office. I was disappointed, though. You couldn't even pick someone handsome?" I said with a mocking expression. Last month, I felt like I was finally going to lose it so I decided to call my mom over to help babysit because I really wanted to go away with Tay for just one night. It was going to be a surprise, and we were going to have the most passionate sex ever. I dressed up nicely for the first time in months, did my hair, and wore my favorite cologne, only to arrive at the front of his office and see him getting out of the bar next to his office with a half-drunk, unattractive man. The man was all over him. Tay wasn't letting go, and he was smiling, the man's hand on Tay's shoulders and Tay's hand on his waist. My heart broke into pieces. I couldn't help but think that all those late nights were just Tay going out to bars and who knows where with other men. He really was tired of the marriage, but I was too scared to ask or talk about it, scared of what the answer would be. It wasn't my fault I loved him more than he did and I really wanted to trust him but I didn't know what to think anymore, it truly was heartbreaking. And I cried silently every night. Why would he do this to me?

"New—what... what are you talking about?" Tay stammered, his face stunned.
"Don't pretend, Tay. I saw it with my own eyes. You're a cheater," I accused, standing my ground. After all, he was the one betraying me.
"You're so ungrateful, and I regret—"
I didn't know how, but my hand moved before I realized it, landing hard across his face. He was the last person who should talk to me about gratitude. Regret? It was my life that was ruined, not his.

"Don't you dare talk to me about gratitude or regret. My life is ruined because of you," I said, voice shaking with emotion.

He stood there in disbelief, holding his cheek. Tears began to fall from his eyes, one by one, until they poured down like a waterfall. He picked up his phone and started walking out of the room.

"Yes, go. You're never here anyway," I said, watching him leave without looking back.
I collapsed to the floor, sobbing. I loved him; I hated seeing him cry. I wanted us to go back to when it was just us, when we mattered. Like the time Tay confronted his father for not accepting us.

"Poh, I love him and will marry him whether you like it or not. I finally know happiness because of him, and your opinion doesn't matter."

I wanted that Tay back.

***********************

In the upcoming chapter, I'll be shifting to Tay's perspective. Initially, I intended to tell this story solely through New's POV, but I realized that including Tay's viewpoint would add depth.

Thank you 🙏 and I hope you enjoy reading 😊