New Years Eve:
The wind howled outside, rattling the glass as I sat on the edge of my bed, phone clutched tightly in my hand. I had dressed up for him—again. A little black dress, my hair perfectly styled, waiting for him. Carter had promised—this time, he wouldn't cancel. He'd actually show up. But here I was, staring at my phone, the seconds dragging on forever, the city lights outside casting shadows that felt too heavy.
I checked the time again. No message. No call. Nothing.
I had texted him earlier, asking where he was. And he had responded—on my way. But now... now it felt like the words were just empty promises, drifting away like smoke. I had even convinced myself he was different this time. But it always felt the same, didn't it? Just another night waiting, hoping, and being let down.
I sank back against the pillows, staring at the ceiling. My heart felt like it was beating in time with the ache in my chest—loud, unrelenting. I wanted to believe he was worth it. I wanted to believe that Carter, with all his charm and that teasing smile, was someone who would fight for me, just like I would for him. But how many times could I keep waiting for someone who never showed up? How many times could I convince myself it was just a slip-up, just a bad night?
Say don't go, I thought to myself, the words of the song echoing through my mind. I couldn't help but feel them. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I don't want to keep waiting for someone who doesn't even care enough to show up.
I closed my eyes, but the tears came anyway. Slowly at first, and then more freely. They blurred everything in front of me. Carter's face—his careless grin, the way he'd always promised he'd be there—felt like a lie now. I wanted to believe him, I really did. I wanted to believe that he was different, that he'd be the one who wouldn't disappear when I needed him most. But how many times could I keep pretending that what we had was real when all he gave me were empty words?
Say don't go...The line haunted me. It was all I wanted to say to him, but he wasn't there. He was gone, again. And I was left with nothing but the weight of disappointment and the hollow feeling of abandonment.
I wiped my tears away, but it didn't change anything. He was still gone. He had promised me more than this—more than empty texts and broken promises. I had believed him. I let myself believe that maybe this time, it would be different. But it wasn't. And now I was left with nothing but the sting of the truth—that I had let him in, only for him to walk away once again.
I couldn't keep doing this to myself. I had to let go. But even as I told myself that, I knew I wouldn't be able to. A part of me would always wait for him. Always hope that one day, Carter would show up—not with excuses or lies, but with something real.
Say don't go... But he already had.
Present
I hadn't planned on being here, not after everything with Carter. But Serena and Blair insisted, like they always do when they know I'm spiraling. "Just get out of your head," Serena had said, pulling me away from my apartment, dragging me into the chaos that was Constance's after-hours pool party.
I could barely think straight as we approached the pool, the sounds of laughter and music echoing in the night air. I knew it was supposed to be a distraction, a way to forget the mess of emotions I was tangled up in. But being here with so many people—especially Nate, who I couldn't seem to escape no matter how hard I tried—made it harder to shake the weight of everything on my chest.
The water gleamed under the lights, but all I could focus on was Nate. He was standing by the edge, talking to Blair, and my stomach churned a little. There was so much history between them—so many things unsaid, tangled up in a way that never seemed to untangle. I liked Nate. I liked him a lot more than I probably should. But I could see the way he looked at Blair, the way he was always there for her, always trying to get her back. He wanted her, and I knew it.
