Sunlight

Chapter Eight

This Is The Day // The The

Pete

Well, that didn't go well.

After the disastrous interaction with Jeff, I decide to go for a walk. I lost my appetite anyway. Maybe he needs a cooling off period. I know I do. I feel terrible. Kyra will have to deal with his mood now that I've opened the can of worms, figuratively.

Thing is–because yeah, there's a huge thing–I have no desire to stuff the worms back into the can the way I thought I would. All this time, I imagined wanting to crawl away once Jeff found out I have feelings for Kyra. And the shittiest part about it? He still doesn't actually know.

I said the words. I told him I wanted his blessing to date her. I'm not trying to hook up with her and disappear. I already disappeared from her and spent the last three years becoming a better version of myself. The version I can look at in the mirror and not want to throw up. I can stand myself. I even like myself.

In hindsight, I shouldn't have hidden my transformation efforts from Jeff. One of the reasons Jeff was okay with Matt dating his cousin, Hannah, was the fact he saw Matt developing a conscience and working through his own demons. It was happening right in front of all of us during senior year of high school.

Truth be told, I was pissed. Where was this Matt when he was screwing me over freshman year? Where was his conscience when he hooked up with every girl who passed him by? Where was the good version of Matt when he crushed his best friend's dreams. Mine.

I held on to that anger for too long, even trying to sabotage his relationships as he grew a soul. That didn't work out too well for either of us. It strained our friendship further. I retreated from the group and became the loner. I kept things to myself; all of my pain and self-loathing.

When Kyra made her move, I was too weak to resist after years of self-deprecation. I gave in. And I hurt her in the process just like I knew I would. It wasn't purposeful. But I wasn't ready to be the guy she deserved.

Now I am.

I kick a rock across the dirt path as I go, angry at everything keeping me from the woman I love.

Then I stop walking.

Because what's actually keeping me from her? Her brother? Does he really have a say? She's a grown adult. So am I. He has his own life, his own love. He's getting married–

Shit. He's getting married and I just created a landmine.

Back to beating myself and my circumstances to a pulp, I continue down the path only to run into a jogging Misty.

Great. Just what I needed. If the coffee and confrontation wasn't enough to get my blood pressure going, this interaction sure will be.

She slows to a walk as she approaches, the biggest shit-eating grin plastered on her face I've ever seen.

"I knew there was smexual tension brewing last night."

I shake my head, squeezing my eyes shut from the crazy I've run into.

"The what?"

"Smexual tension."

"What the hell is that?"

Misty rolls her eyes. "Blah, blah. You must not be up on your social media slang. Smexual is the way we say sexual on the ticky tok." She tilts her head. "Oh, dang. You look like you're ready to unalive someone, namely me."

"Okay, stop talking. I'm not crazy enough for this conversation."

"Oh, I think you are. Crazy in love, that is." She slugs my shoulder.