Hostage to you

Wildflower

Raven's POV

I don't know what I'm doing.

I've been pacing around my apartment for hours, replaying everything in my head. The kiss at Billie's house, the way we both said it was a mistake, the way I walked out like it didn't matter. But it does matter, and pretending like it didn't is killing me.

My heart's pounding, and I feel like I'm suffocating under the weight of it all. I can't think straight, and I don't know what to do. I grab my jacket, heading out the door without a plan, just moving because standing still feels impossible.

Before I know it, I'm standing outside Finneas' house. I don't know why I came here, but he's the only person who might understand what's going on. He knows Billie better than anyone, and I need to know if I'm the one messing this up.

I knock, and it feels like an eternity before the door opens. Finneas stands there, looking a little surprised to see me, but he doesn't hesitate to open the door wider and motion for me to come in.

"Raven," he says, his voice calm but curious. "You okay?"

I shake my head, stepping inside, my hands trembling. "No... I don't know what to do."

He leads me into the living room, the warmth of the house a stark contrast to the cold anxiety swirling inside me. I sit down, trying to collect myself, but my thoughts are racing, and I can't get the words out fast enough.

"We kissed," I blurt out, my voice shaking. "Billie and I. It wasn't like the almost-kiss backstage. This time it happened, and... we both said it was a mistake. We agreed to keep it professional, but I don't know if that's what either of us really meant."

Finneas leans forward, listening carefully, his expression serious but soft. He's calm, steady, the exact opposite of what's going on inside my head. He doesn't interrupt, just lets me talk, lets me get it all out.

"I can't stop thinking about it," I admit, my voice breaking. "I keep telling myself it's fine, that we can go back to being normal, but it doesn't feel normal. Everything's changed, and I don't know how to deal with it. I don't want to ruin things with her."

Finneas nods slowly, processing everything I've said. There's a long pause, and I'm waiting for him to tell me I've screwed everything up, that I need to back off before it gets worse. But instead, he smiles—a small, knowing smile that puts me on edge.

"Don't worry," he says gently. "Billie really likes you. She's just... she's complicated. She gets in her head about stuff like this."

I blink, caught off guard. "She... likes me?"

Finneas chuckles, leaning back in his chair. "Yeah. A lot. I know Billie, and she doesn't just kiss someone unless it means something. She's been thinking about you way more than she'll admit."

I feel my chest tighten, not from fear this time, but from the realization that maybe—just maybe—I'm not imagining this. "But then why did we say it was a mistake? Why did she go along with it?"

Finneas sighs, his voice soft but understanding. "Because Billie is Billie. She gets scared when things get real. She'll convince herself it's easier to pretend it didn't happen than to deal with her feelings. But that doesn't mean she doesn't care. Believe me, she does."

I fidget with my hands, my heart pounding. "I don't want to mess this up."

"You're not messing anything up," Finneas reassures me. "But you can't keep avoiding it. You need to talk to her, really talk to her. Billie's not the type to open up right away, but if you go to her and lay it all out there, she'll listen."

I shake my head, feeling overwhelmed. "I don't know if I can. What if she backs away? What if I push too hard, and she decides it's not worth it?"

Finneas laughs, but it's not mean-spirited. It's like he finds the whole situation a little ridiculous, in the way only a brother could. "Raven, Billie's not going anywhere. She's stubborn, sure, but she's not going to give up on something she cares about. And trust me—she cares about you."

I sit there, staring down at my hands, feeling like I'm on the edge of something huge but terrifying. "I don't know how to do this," I whisper. "I'm so used to pushing people away. I don't know how to... let someone in."

Finneas leans forward, his tone shifting to something more serious, more personal. "You don't have to figure it all out right now. Just go to her. Talk to her. Billie likes you—she's just as freaked out as you are. You guys are overthinking this."

I swallow hard, nodding slowly. He's right, but that doesn't make it any less scary. "What if I mess it up?"

"You won't," Finneas says firmly. "Just go to her house and talk. You don't have to fix everything in one conversation, but you need to start somewhere. Trust me, Billie's waiting for you to make the first move."

I laugh weakly, feeling a little lighter but still nervous. "You make it sound so simple."

"It is simple," he says with a grin. "You're just making it complicated. Go. Talk to her. And don't worry—you're not going to lose her."

I sit there for a moment, letting his words sink in. The fear is still there, but it's not as suffocating as it was before. Maybe I can do this. Maybe I can go to Billie and finally say what's been on my mind since that kiss.

"Thanks," I say quietly, standing up and feeling a little more grounded. "I needed that."

Finneas smiles, standing up with me and clapping a hand on my shoulder. "Anytime. Now go—Billie's probably sitting at home overthinking this as much as you are."

I nod, feeling a surge of determination. It's not going to be easy, but I can't avoid this any longer. I have to go to Billie. I have to talk to her.