Do You Love Me?

Love Hurts

*A/N- Sorry it's been so long. I've been trying to figure out where I wanted this to go, and I wanted to finish Finding Her Joy before I continued anything else. I'm not sure how long I want this one to be, so I'm trying to figure that out. TW for this chapter. Violence and things like that in this chapter can be upsetting. Avoid reading if it's not okay for you. I understand. Happy reading! Enjoy!

The tantrum started as soon as I walked in the door. Roger was furious that I hadn't answered my phone when he tried to call. He wouldn't let me explain. He just kept on. He wouldn't let up.

"You selfish woman!" He screamed at me, throwing a paper weight past my head. "You were out with someone else, weren't you? You dirty whore!"

Ignore the name calling. Stay focused. Breathe. Just breathe.

"Roger, I was in a meeting at Marjorie's nursery. I told you about it, and I called you back as soon as I was finished." I was trying to speak calmly. I'd learned the hard way that yelling back at him wasn't a good idea.

As he stood there yelling at me, shouting profanities, breaking things around his office... my mind traveled back to a week or so ago when he'd lost his temper with me.

When that happened, I'd gotten back to the house a few minutes later than usual. He expected me home before him or at the same time he was. "Your work day should not exceed mine," he told me as he took off his shoes and loosened his tie. "Women should be at home anyway. You should be appreciative of how I let you keep a job."

His words made me sick to my stomach. How could he treat someone like this? Where did he learn to behave like a monster? Why didn't I notice it sooner?

"It's not real work. I just need some way to keep you busy. If I don't then you'll go and throw yourself at another rich, powerful man."

When he'd start to take off his belt, I had to try my best not to react. The sound of the buckle clicking as he slid it out of the loops, sent shivers down my spine.

I knew what was coming next.

He pulled me up the stairs and to our room. I felt the grip he had on my upper arm get tighter as he spun me around and threw me on the bed.

I was lying on my stomach when he took off his tie, using it to tie my hands together and hold me how he wanted.

"If you're going to behave like that, then this is how I'm going to treat you," he whispered darkly in my ear.

He hit me with the belt until my body went numb. Pain vibrated through me until everything I had shut down inside me.

So many whelps started to form, and yet, all the marks could be hidden by my clothes. Roger was smart enough to know how to not make the marks visible to others.

When he finally untied my hands, bruises were forming on my wrists. He slapped me for being so weak.

As he stormed away, he yelled, "You'd best cover that with long sleeves for your next meeting."

The temperature was close to boiling outside, so wearing a longer shirt was not a good idea if I'd be out. I knew better than to argue with him about it. To me, it was embarrassing to show off the marks he'd left. In my heart, I knew I was stronger and smarter than this, but my head tried to convince me I deserved this treatment.

I deserved it for all of the mean things I'd done. This was the universes way of getting back at me, and I was ready to take my punishment.

Good God. If Vivian had heard me talking like that then she'd have been upset with me.

She has this idea that I deserve the world, but I'm so convinced that I still deserve nothing because, well...

I am nothing.

Nothing without Roger. Nothing without the money. Nothing. Just a waste of space in a world full of important people. I don't contribute to society in any positive way. Sometimes, I think I shouldn't be here anymore.

Then I remember that I even though I'm not the best person, I am still one that deserves to be alive, aren't I? If I wasn't meant to be here, then I wouldn't have been born. I wouldn't be where I'm at.

Maybe there's something good that's supposed to come out of this. Maybe my being with Roger is somehow a good thing. Maybe if I'm with him, that means someone else can't be in my position.

Sure, Siobhan. Make yourself out to be the hero. Who am I kidding? There's no good to come out of this situation. I could die here. Things could get so bad that one of these days I'll breathe wrong and he'll go after me. No one would notice. No one would care. I would be here one day, and then just gone the next.

Would anyone care? Would Viv care?

"Stop looking so pitiful. All I did was raise my voice a touch. You should be lucky I didn'tdo worse," Roger's deep voice pulled me from my grim thoughts. "I'm going out tonight on business. I'll be back in a week." He didn't even look at me when he spoke.

I collected myself, trying to be sweet with him before he'd left. "Do you have everything you need?" I went over to him, taking hold of his forearm gently.

He rolled his eyes, "Yes. I know how to pack for myself." He pulled his arm away from me swiftly.

"Alright then. Have a good trip, and I'll see you when you get back?" I asked, moving to the mirror to check myself. If he didn't want me to touch him, then I was thrilled not to.

"Saturday night. I'll be home in the evening. Around 11. You'd better be awake when I get here." He grabbed his things and stormed out of the house. I heard him slam the door shut, and a few seconds later, his car was gone.

"Finally," I sighed, feeling relief wash over me for the first time in, well, I'm not sure how long.

I pulled my shirt up to see the damage from the last time. Bruises were still prevalent on my sides and back. My wrists were sore but healing slowly.

Vivian noticed something was wrong at our last meeting. Every time she went to touch me, I would flinch. Every time I had to move, it took me longer, and I had to hold in my screams from pain since my body settled into the positions.

"I have to get out..." I said under my breath. I changed my clothes, cleaned up Roger's office, and went to go find something to eat.

There was no food. I'd have to go out to get something. Leaving the house.

I didn't ever want to come back.

My phone buzzed with a message. My eyes lit up, and a smile fell across my lips, "Vivian."

Her message read, "Bon Bon, sorry to be texting you like this. Jamie is at a friend's tonight, and I just thought I'd check in."

I immediately messaged back, "Do you want to get a bite to eat?"

Why was I being so forward? She was going to say no. I was going to embarrass myself and get into trouble.

"I'd love to, but how about you come over to mine. No sense in eating out and wasting the money. I'll cook." She responded. She wanted me to come over. She wanted to cook for me.

I couldn't turn down the opportunity, and I needed to get away from all of this. Away from my own head for a while. "I'll bring the wine?"

"Sounds great. Here's the address, and I'll see you soon."

I changed into a nicer long sleeve shirt to hide what was left of the marks. I fixed my hair just a little, touched up my makeup, and then went to the cellar to grab a nice bottle that Roger wouldn't know was missing. He didn't even like it anyhow. He was more of a whiskey, brandy, and bourbon fiend.

As I grabbed my purse to head out the door, I stopped. I was frozen in my tracks as the realization hit me. I hadn't thought about it before, but now it was just racing through my mind.

I swallowed hard, saying in my head, "Is this a... date...?"

Was I going on my first official date with Viv? Jesus. This just got a lot more complicated.