Do You Love Me?

Love's First Kiss

*A/N- Back at it again with some Shivian. Did anyone else cry when Viv did the other day? I thought I was going to die. My heart broke for her. Anyway, here is the next part of their first meeting. I think you're really going to like it. Happy reading! Enjoy!

"Something about me no one knows?"

She smiled at me, "Start with something from your daily life if it's too hard for you to come up with something."

"Oh, okay... um..." I thought for a moment. What are some things I like to do? "I enjoy reading... and most mornings, I'll go for a run by myself."

Her eyes lit up with the slightest bit of information. "What do you read?"

"Mostly little things. Small stories from the paper, or whatever I can find on the shelf." She seemed disappointed, but it could've just been me. "I also love poetry. There's just something about it that feels so raw and real. I can't get enough."

I continued to talk about my favorite poems, books of poems, and short stories that I'd loved to read when I could. Roger didn't like them, so I always had to keep it hidden. I'd found places around the nurseries that no one would look in to hide them. If he found them... things would get intense.

The more I spoke, the less I could control my words. It was just so easy to say everything to her, and she was actually listening.

No one ever listens to me.

If I didn't stop, then I might've said too much.

"Sorry..." I said, shyly hiding my face in my hand.

She moved my hand away, leaning in closer to me. "Don't apologize for sharing with me. Ever. I find it cute that you're so passionate about it."

There I was getting lost in her eyes... such beautiful eyes. Staring into my soul. My eyes wandered from hers, down to her lips as she spoke such kind words to me.

It was so difficult to keep any secrets from her. I thought she would see them anyway since she knew from the moment I met her how bad my relationship was. Because of this, I said, "I used to write my own all the time. Then everything just sort of stopped."

The one secret I'd kept as close to my heart as possible. My writing was like a deep dive into my mind. Writing is an art form that I find myself getting lost in. I don't drown in the words I want to say like I do when I speak. I can be real and honest, and my emotions can be raw without fear of judgment.

You can't be judged on how you really feel if no one is reading your work. There is not one person who sees my fears and knows what I'm thinking because I write it all down or store it away in my head.

Even if someone were to see the words on the page, they still wouldn't know the truth. I've hidden myself so well within the pages that it's nearly impossible to decipher what is me or the character.

I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts, feeling the worry on my face, I didn't even notice Viv now holding my hand.

"I hope you can find the time to write again. I'm sure whatever you have is perfect." She looked away from me, mumbling, "Just like you..."

Her words took over my mind. I couldn't control myself. "Viv, I-" I felt safe with her. I felt... happy with her company.

Her thumb was gently stroking the back of my hand. "You don't have to say anything else. Our meeting is almost over, right?"

I started to feel upset once I'd noticed the time. I'd really spent the whole meeting talking about myself.

"Right... almost over..." My eyes moved to the floor. I pulled my hand away and went to stand. "Let's wrap this up then. I'm a very busy woman. I'm sure you have other things to do today as well. I won't - "

"Bon Bon, wait." She followed my movements. Standing with me and pulling me closer to her softly.

Our bodies were so close. I could smell her perfume. It took over all my senses, and I found myself drowning in my thoughts of her. I'd forgotten about all of my problems at home, work, and with myself.

"Did... did you just call me... Bon Bon?" I asked her.

She smiled at me, "I thought you needed a new nickname. One that you might like."

She left me for a moment and went over to the door to make sure it was locked. She checked the window to make sure no one could see. She didn't even know that Roger had cameras everywhere to watch the staff, but she planned for that anyway.

How did she know about everything already? I hadn't even gotten into the situation with him.

"I'm going to do something that might be crazy, but I have to at least once. I can't pretend like I don't feel like this. I need to know if you feel the same."

She moved in to stand close to me. I looked away, but she moved my gaze back to her. Using a finger under my chin to do so. Her touch was light. Her fingers soft. She leaned in, every second getting closer to my lips.

"Viv-" I tried to say, but my words weren't coming out. She made me nervous and excited all at the same time.

She stopped. "If you don't want me to, then just say it. I won't get my feelings hurt."

"No, it's not that. I-"

Viv started to move away from me, "Oh. I see. I've misread the situation. So sorry, Siobhan. I'll just go."

As she took a step towards the door, my impulses took over me. I grabbed her arm, calling out, "Viv, wait-"

Everything in me was telling me I was crazy. This was a bad idea. There was no way I could ever do this because it was wrong. It's was... wrong.

But if it was, then why did it feel right? I took my hands and placed them on either side of her face. They were shaking so much, and I thought my heart was going to explode.

I had to do it. I had to know. So I leaned in, and I kissed her. I thought it would feel different, and it did, but not in the way I'd imagined.

When I'd kiss Roger, something always felt... off. The feeling would make me sick to my stomach most days, and I felt that way with everyone in the past, too.

But when I kissed Viv...

God, when I kissed Viv. I didn't feel anything like that. My cheeks got warm, my heart began to race, and there was a fire in my belly. It made me nervous, but I felt the most peaceful I had in my life.

It was almost impossible to pull away from her, but I had to. I felt like I couldn't catch my breath.

Once I dropped my hands, I felt nervous. She didn't say anything. She just looked at me with this shocked expression.

"I'm sorry. I- I had to -" Why was I struggling to get my words out? What was wrong with me? How could-

"Kiss me again." She said quietly, slipping her hands around my waist to pull me in.

Her grasp was so comforting, and I did want to kiss her again... so I said, "Only if you never let me go."

She laughed, "Deal."

First kiss... I wanted her to be my last...

Oh no... what about Roger? What is he going to do if he finds out?