I look in the mirror as tears fill my eyes, the image of my body disgusting me as I see new stretch marks over my body.
"I need to stop eating"
I whisper to myself whipping the tears of my face.
I start to note in my head all the things I hate about myself as I look in the mirror:
I hate how fat I am.
I hate that I'm ugly.
I hate how dark and not smooth my skin is.
I hate that I'm not smart.
I hate how I start to cry so easily.
I hate how people's words and looks affect me so much.
Tears roll down my face as I realise what an embarrassment I am to my family, there's nothing good about me.
I quickly wipe my eyes and leave the bathroom hoping no one notices how red my eyes are.
I walk past the mirror to my room not wanting to look at my reflection.
I start to procrastinate about exams and how I'm going to fail, but somehow for some strange reasons I still don't revise.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
All I can think about is food and how much I want to eat, but I remind myself that I need to loose weight and be skinny by the I take year book photos and prom, I don't want to be ugly.
I try and try and try again to not think about food but I'm a failure.
I walk towards the freezer, take out the ice scream and eat and eat, I don't even realise that I managed to eat half the tub.
I look at my self in disgusted as I think about how many calories I just had.
I drink water hoping to wash it away, but really I know it does nothing.
"I wish I was skinny"
I say to myself as I feel a single tear run down my face.
If I stop eating now I'll be skinny by December I remind myself about the video I saw earlier encouraging me to loose weight.
If I stop eating now maybe by January my whole hand will be able to fit around my arm.
Maybe when I'm skinny boys will like me.
Maybe when I'm skinny I'll like myself.
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383 words.
(03/11/24, 02:25am)
