I love him but I hate me

2

* 1 year ago*

"Bye Eve ! I got to go , my dad will be mad if I get home late !"

I said while I closed my locker . Eve was my best friend , she knew everything about my life , and she still stayed with me .

She knew about my abuse from my dad , she knew about my moms car crash . She tried to convince me to call the police about my dad , but I couldn't .

He was the only parent I had left .

"Bye lottie ! Dont forget the beer ...!" She said in a whisper.

After every school day I had to go home to dad with a beer . Eve knew about it and she always reminded me .

If I didn't get a beer I would get beaten to sleep ...

Getting out of the school I spot my bicycle next to the wall . I put my backpack in the front basket , and got on it. It was starting to rain so I got to be fast .

I got the beer and now I was in front of my house .

I opened the door and looked into the livingroom , where my smoking dad was watching hockey and in front of him were bottles of whiskey , wine and beer .

"Dad?" I said aproaching him .
"What do you want?" He said in an angry tone because I interrupted his hockey game .

"I-I got your beer ." I said while stuttering of fear.
"Give it !" He said holding out his hand.

I gave it to him and before I could take my hand back he took it in his and burnt me with his cigarette .

"I don't like this brand !" He said angrily.
"Y-You always drink this brand..." I said while in so much pain.

"Don't u dare talk back to me u little bitch!" Dad said , now looking in my teary eyes .

"And if u want to cry Im going to give u a reason why to !" He said while getting up .
Dad aproached me and took of this belt . I was shaking in fear , because I alreay knew what was going to happen next .

"Sit with your back facing me ! And take that stupid t-shirt off , Slut !"I nodded while i took my t-shirt off and bra , I already knew the drill.

He did first whip , second , third , fifth .... fifteenth... tweentieth . I counted every single one . I was shaking and crying .

I couldn't feel anything , I just waited for it to end . I couldn't stop him .

"Now get up and clean this mess u cunt !" He said putting back on his belt . I couldn't move so fast because of the pain .

"Oh ? So u want more ?" He said while grabbing my hair .
"N-No ! Please ..." I said pleadding . I wanted it to stop .
"Too bad ! Ur getting more ungrateful hoe !" He said while hitting me in my ribs .

I couldn't breathe . I was in so much pain. But he didn't stop , he didn't stop until I was uncounscious.

"Thats what your mother felt ! Right? She was uncounscious because of YOU ! " he said while he screamed the 'you' . That phrase was like a bullet in my heart .

Because of the pain I couldn't cry anymore . My eyes slowly closed ...

^^^^

I woke up on the floor where I was beaten last night . There was blood . I was full of blood and bruises .

The house was silent ....

'I think he went to the club. ' I said in my mind . I slowly tried to get up . The pain was really bad . I tried not to make any sound in case my dad was home and that he will hear me and hit me again .

After I got upstairs into my room . I locked the door and started crying . After about half an hour I went to the bathroom and cleaned the wounds .

Sometimes my dad will SA me and sometimes will beat me till I cough blood . So I was lucky that I escaped only with these wounds .

Today I wasn't in shape to go to school so I just sat on my bed with my school stuff and tried to teach myself what the teachers would teach today.

I couldn't miss anything from school . I wanted to get into UVA (University of Virginia) , where my brother was .

Elijah is my older brother . He plays football and is one of the biggest star of the university . He stays in an apartment only half an hour from here , so he could visit anytime .

When he visited , dad wasn't drunk . Eli never knew about the abuse or SA .
He would call the police and I didn't quite want that. The painfull day went really fast . So I carefully got in my bed and tried to sleep .