Ch 17 | Faded

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sᴇʀᴇɴᴀ |

I sat on the edge of the fountain, fingers trailing through the cool water, trying to lose myself in the ripples. Months had passed, but the weight in my chest hadn't lifted. Despite the countless times I’d shared Lucian’s bed, the passion between us blurring the lines of our past grievances, I couldn’t shake the ghost of what we once were—or what I once was.

I wasn’t the same Serena who used to climb these garden trees with excitement, who would sneak out of the palace for fun, teasing the guards and laughing at the thrill of getting away with it. That carefree girl felt like a distant memory, lost beneath layers of trauma I couldn’t shed.

I tried to move on. I really did. But the nightmares still haunted me, vivid and merciless, pulling me into a dark, endless abyss where fear had me trapped. Lucian was painfully aware of my night time torment. Whenever the dreams became unbearable, he would wake me, his voice gentle yet firm.

But each time, fear took over, and I couldn't differentiate between the remnants of the nightmare and the reality before me. My body would seize up, and I’d either shrink away into the corner, trembling, or lash out in blind terror, my sword drawn defensively against him. He never retaliated, only tried to soothe me, but it didn’t matter. How could I be at peace when I couldn’t even trust the world when I woke?

And then there was the fact that, despite everything, I hadn’t gotten pregnant. Lucian never left his seed in me, even though we’d made love so many times. I didn’t know the reason, and the unanswered question only added to my confusion and turmoil.

Yet even in my struggle, I began to see why people loved him. Lucian wasn’t the monster I once believed. He genuinely cared for his people, preventing wars whenever possible. During the last conflict with the Northern Kingdom, he had sought out negotiations with the tyrant prince.

I’d learned that the reason behind the war had been my father’s slow encroachment on northern land, expanding our territory without permission. Lucian, in his wisdom, had promised to return the land, acknowledging the North’s sovereignty, and in return, they had surrendered peacefully.

But another question haunted me: Why did the Eastern Kingdom attack us? My father had even discussed a marriage alliance with Prince Aldric. What had gone so wrong? Just then, the familiar sound of footsteps approached, and I didn’t need to look to know who it was. Lucian. His presence was undeniable, strong and commanding.

He had tried so many times to mend our fractured relationship, to restore something that I knew would never be the same. How could I possibly forgive the man who killed my father, the man who had torn my world apart, even if he was the one holding the pieces together now? My father may not have been the best king, but he was my father. He had raised me with kindness, never forcing me into anything, even when I’d hesitated about marrying Prince Aldric.

𝐋𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐈𝐧 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐬 | 𝐉𝐞𝐨𝐧 𝐉𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐤Where stories live. Discover now