18. The Wuss (Thread Three)

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Chapter 18's "Formation Song" is "How Soon is Now?" by The Smiths:

Eli's pulse pounded as he paced the hall, glancing back toward the door of the shrine room, then to Josiah, who watched him with a wary half-smirk. They'd seen Coop, Ivy, Caroline, and Willy sneaking off toward Pam's a half hour ago, and he hadn't been able to sit still since. He thought things would be different now that Caroline was out of Kane Hospital, thought all his quiet visits, all those hours spent by her side, would have meant something more to her. But she was already drifting back to the same crowd, leaving him behind like always.

Those guys were always going to be the cool kids, and he was always going to be the annoying, scrawny underclassmen they didn't want tagging along.

He took a step toward the shrine room, jaw tight, but Josiah blocked his path, leaning lazily against the doorway. Josiah's arms were crossed. "You're not actually going to rat them out to Jane, are you?"

Eli stopped, glaring. "If something happens to them, it's on us for letting them be so goddamn reckless."

Josiah's smirk deepened. "Reckless, maybe. Or maybe... they're just following the thread? Who's to say they're not meant to be out there tonight?" He shrugged, feigning indifference with an expression that Eli knew too well. Josiah was trying to challenge him. Eli hated when his baby brother condescended to him, trying to sound like their dad. "The Weaver's design, right?"

Eli's eyes narrowed, irritation rising inside. "Or they're just being idiots," he shot back, "and it's not a fate thing at all, Josiah. Maybe it's about keeping everyone safe tonight. And having some semblance of a plan."

But Eli felt a pang of self-doubt as he spoke. Was he really thinking of anyone's safety, or was it just his old high school wounds flaring up? Did he want them to be doing something wrong?

Josiah tilted his head, his expression shifting to an even colder, "Dad-like" place. "That's always your excuse, isn't it? Safety first. It's better than living, huh?" His voice grew quieter.

Eli's fists tightened at his sides. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Josiah tightened his jaw. "You don't know how to let go, Eli. You're a control freak. Chasing everyone's approval but too scared to actually put yourself out there. To live for anything but fear."

"You little asshole," Eli muttered, though he couldn't shake the prickling sense that maybe, somewhere deep inside him, Josiah had bumped into truth. "I'm not being a control freak, It's just... they don't think before they take risks, never have when they all get together, and this isn't exactly the right time for that kind of juvenile bullshit."

"Okay." Josiah's voice was dismissive. "Or maybe they have to get out of their heads and let off some steam with all that's at stake."

Eli felt his frustration bubbling over, his voice harder than he intended. "So we should just let them go have a night on the town? When there's a bunch of evil shit trying to kill us and Jane says this is the only safe place for us?"

Josiah's smirk faltered. "I'd rather let people make their own choices than be a wuss. They don't need you to play gatekeeper. Maybe that's why Caroline didn't even think to ask you along."

"

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