These Violent Delights

Seventeen

The wedding venue is the Wainwright House in Rye, New York.

In other words, classy, elegant, historic, gorgeous, and insanely expensive. I can't even begin to imagine what they spent on this wedding. But my God, is it straight out of a fairytale. Everything is decorated like a winter wonderland. Twinkling lights, white roses, and white pedals cover the floor of the alter. Chairs pointed, overlooking the water. It couldn't be more romantic. And with Atlas being my date? Movie perfection.

Knowing my ex is in the same vicinity as me has rattled me with anxiety. I'm unsure if I'm going to throw up or shit my pants. Maybe both. My hands are clammy as we take our seats in the back row, allowing actual friends and family to sit closer. My knee begins bouncing nervously.

So This is Love from Cinderella is playing. Guests are filtering in gradually.

Atlas places a hand gently on my rattling knee. A wave of comfort washes over me as I look at him. "I don't know why I'm freaking out."

"Straight to the bar after this."

I dramatically sigh into him, making a chuckle ripple from him. "God, I thought you'd never ask." I sit back up and pointedly search for the bar. "Need to find the quickest route. No way Grandma is getting in front of us."

"I'll clock her if she does."

An obnoxious laugh snorts out of me, causing the family in front of us to look over their shoulders. "After today, though, we need to hang out without alcohol involved. You're such a bad influence on me."

"I did warn you." He gives me the cutest wink I've ever seen in my life, and it causes me to fumble for a second, searching for a witty response in return to keep the banter up. The entirety of our car ride here consisted of arguing over who has the better music taste (me, obviously) and joking back and forth.

"Yes. You did, and I thought I was cut out for your very advanced drinking habits, but now I'm not so sure. It takes a toll on you."

"That's why you just have to keep drinking."

"Oh, right, and never stop?"

"Never."

"I mean, what is water?"

"Never heard of it."

Suddenly the music shifts and everyone turns their attention to behind them, watching as people begin to ascend down the aisle. Miles takes his place at the altar. He looks handsome, his eyes already filled with tears as he waits for his soon-to-be wife to appear before him. I hope someday somebody will love me like that. That they'll look at me with so much love. That they'll want to spend their life with me.

It makes me emotional. How desperately I want this. For this day to happen. To find my person. While everyone's eyes are on the bridesmaids, I look at Atlas. In his black dress shirt with his black dress pants. The way his wavy hair blows slightly in the breeze. I want to reach for his hand and hold it in mine. Tell him how much I enjoy spending time with him. How easy it is to talk to him. How he makes me forget about Wynn and how badly he hurt me. He makes life feel good again.

He's so close to me, yet I can't figure out how to touch him or how to tell him what I'm thinking. When the bride appears, everyone openly gasps, tears immediately falling from most everyone here. Including myself. I don't know her, but I want to be her. I'm crying for how happy she must be. She knows she's loved; she's having her big day, and I'm so happy for Miles and his wife. She looks absolutely stunning with a massive veil that trails behind her, gathering white pedals.

Atlas looks at me; I see him smile from the corner of my eye, and he takes my hand in his, giving it a squeeze. I lean my head on his shoulder and wipe my damp cheeks as they read each other's vows.