Hide me in your poems - Soukoku

A pebble in my shoe - chapter one

•🪨•

Chuuya had a terrible night’s sleep.

I mean, there wasn’t even a night of sleep. How could he sleep?

It was impossible to close his eyes and relax when his damned brain kept reminding him that his most precious possession was in the hands of that stupid demon, damned Dazai Osamu.

He was powerless, and the only thing he could do was hope that at the very least the boy would keep his promises and not flip through the book's pages.

Who’s he trying to fool? He must have already read and reread all the contents of the diary.

He must already know.

He DOES know.

He knows…

Dazai knows his secret, knows that he’s disgusting, weak, and pathetic, and soon everyone else will know too.

That’s why he couldn’t sleep; his eyes, burning with frustration and humiliation, wouldn’t let him relax, and his mind kept tormenting him, making sleep slip through his fingers.

When the dawn's light crossed the edges of the window, Chuuya realized the night had slipped away and he hadn’t even managed to doze off.

It took every ounce of willpower he had left to get out of bed, his shaky legs threatening to betray him at any moment and send him crashing to the floor, his head throbbing with pure stress—a punishment for spending the night overthinking. He walked slowly to the desk on the other side of the room and grabbed his phone, ignoring the time displayed and going straight to his messages to read the recent updates.

•

Sent by "Mom"

|M: > Good morning, dear. I noticed from the digital scale app that you’ve gained 2kg since your last weigh-in, so I took the liberty of making some adjustments to your diet and reduced the amount of calories you’ll consume per day. Everything’s on your planning board as usual. < 5:12 am

|M: > I have a busy day today and will only get back at the end of the night, so I won’t be able to monitor what you’re eating, but I’ll always keep an eye on the app. < 5:14 am

|M: > Remember, Chuuya, “the scale doesn’t lie.” < 5:14 am

•

He wasn’t surprised; after all, he’d weighed himself, so he was already expecting something like this. Now, he could only hope his mother had been fair in determining the calories he could consume...

He scrolled through his messages to check if there was anything else important, but he had only received a few questionable videos from Albatross and a picture of a motorcycle he saw on the internet with the caption “Look at this, it’s soooo your vibe!!! 🔥🏍️” that managed to bring a small, silly smile to his lips.

Would Albatross still be his friend if Dazai revealed the diary’s contents?

---

Albatross was one of his friends—the most important one, if he dared to say. He was the only one who knew about his attraction to “non-women” and his sexual aversion toward those who actually were. He remembers the day he accidentally let this information slip from his lips.

Although he’d love to forget that day.

He and his friend were drunk—Albatross only a bit, but Chuuya... from some cans of beer that who knows where he got them from. They weren’t even old enough to buy them—much less to consume, but that’s irrelevant at the moment.