Everything Remains

Chapter 30: Fears and Revelations

Draco woke with a start, looking around at his surroundings and reminding himself where he is. The nightmares that have plagued him for years have generally ceased, the but uncanny feeling of being somewhere unfamiliar, unsafe, still haunted him. 

Draco blinked a few times, recognizing the coastal feel of the house, the soft breeze flowing through the open window. The gauzy curtains tickling the shiplap walls surrounding them. The soft sunlight of the dawn creating ripples of light across the room, highlighting the sleeping brunette next to him.
'I'm safe. I'm fine. I'm in the safe house with Harry. No one knows you're here. No one dangerous at least..'
Taking in a deep breath, Draco closed his eyes and adjusted to the scene, beginning to revel in the warmth radiating off of Harry's naked body. 'Infernal furnace, are we?'

Draco continued to admire the sleeping form. The way that Harry's soft, shaggy hair was splayed out around his head like a makeshift halo. How his skin was littered with smalls scars, all over his body. Like a map work detailing his life in pain. How Harry's skin was tanning easily with just the bits of sun they enjoyed. 

Draco was leaning down, about to kiss Harry on the forehead when he began to whimper. Soft moans of fear began to ebb out of his mouth. Draco responded, rubbing his back with his hand. "It's okay love, I'm here." 
Harry continued to whimper, shuddering slightly before full on thrashing about in the bed sheets. 
"HARRY. LOVE, wake up! You're okay!" Draco held onto Harry's shoulders, slightly shaking him to rouse him out of his nightmare.

Harry opened his eyes with a start, gasping and holding onto his chest where his heart was threatening to thump out of it. He began scrambling for his glasses, frantic to see where he was.
"Here love. They're right here."
Draco slowly held out Harry's glasses, careful not to spook him further.
"Thanks.." Harry was visibly still shaken, putting the glasses onto his face. "I was having the most awful nightmare." 
"What happened love?"
"I... I was facing Voldemort again, as usual. But this time..." Harry quieted, shaking his head and closing his eyes.
"What darling? Tell me what happened and maybe I can help." 
"Everyone was dead. Everyone. They were all stacked in a huge pile behind him, in the court yard of Hogwarts. Including you.." Harry stopped, tears threatening to release from his eyes.

"Love, it's okay. I know it was terrifying and horrible to see, but it was just a nightmare. I'm right here. Alive and well, in the flesh and blood." Draco held onto Harry's hands, solidifying the fact that Harry wasn't imagining it all.
"That bastard is dead. You killed him. He is never coming back." Draco pulled Harry in for a hug, holding him in his arms.
Harry's breathing slowed and regulated, stopping his whimpering. Harry reached out and grabbed onto Draco's shoulders and slid into his hair, grasping at the pale strands. 
"I know. I know, but in the moment it feels so real. I was devastated. Seeing you like that.." Harry quieted again.
"I know, darling. I can't imagine seeing you like that. Well, I guess I can. Since you were technically dead and all. It hurt then, so I can't imagine how bad it would hurt now." Draco tried to joke, hoping Harry would laugh and feel better.
Harry looked up into Draco's gray eyes. "You know. There are some things that I never really... told you about that day. Some things that I feel you should know."
"Go on." 

"Well. You don't have to believe me. But part of the reason I came back was you."
"What do you mean?"
"When Voldemort cast the killing curse, it did kill me. Kind of. It could have killed me or the part of Voldemort's soul that was within me. I had the choice." 
"Not much of a choice?!"
"Well, it was a choice none the less. I remember going through the pros and cons in my head to decide. And even though I didn't want to admit it to myself at the time, you were on my pros list."
Draco gulped hard, tense at the subject.
"I thought that we could have a do-over if I survived all that. That we could do things differently. And I could know the real you, the one without such chaos and turmoil in his life. I partially wanted to come back... for you." Harry shied away, averting his gaze from Draco.

"Harry. Maybe there are some things you should know about that day too. How when I saw your lifeless body in Hagrid's arms, something changed within me, died within me. You were unbeatable in my eyes, and I figured that you would walk away from this like you have endless times before. But when I saw no life within you, I think my heart shattered. I didn't want to think about how to live without you. I thought about provoking Voldemort myself so I could join you."
Harry sighed lowly, absorbing Draco's confession.
"When you came back... I was in shock of course, everyone was. But I was also so filled with relief and hope. I wanted to fight against Voldemort, to help you. It was flooding my whole being at that point how much I wanted to help you. But you know.. my cowardice and my parents prevented that."
Harry began to retort, but Draco put a finger to his lips. "Let me finish."
"I knew that from that point, I wouldn't be a coward anymore. I would do the right things and put myself in danger if it was for the greater good. And since then too, I have promised to myself that I will protect you with ever fiber of my being."
"Dray.."
"Don't think for a second that I wouldn't put my life on the line for you, okay? And not that you were aware, but I've put even more protection charms on this place, just for some peace of mind. Harry. I love you so much." Draco rested his forehead against Harry's, taking in his scent and warmth, allowing all his senses to be filled with Harry. 

"Draco. I love you too. I think I always have, I just didn't know it. You make me feel safe even just being near me. I know it is going to take time for these nightmares to go away, if they even will completely. But just knowing you are here with me helps." 
Draco gently kissed Harry's lips, pulling him closer to his body.
"Can we just lay here? We actually have the privilege of time, quiet, and solitude."
"No where I'd rather be." 

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