||TW - this chapter contains very negative self depreciation, panic attacks, talk of controlling behaviour and emotional abuse. It was hard to write, so it might be hard to read - FAIR WARNING||
Today was the day. The day that I had spent the last three weeks equally excited for, yet also dreading. It was finally the day where I would join the meeting with the editorial team and meet with the author of my chosen manuscript. My boss had stayed true to his word and passed on my presentation to them, which he begrudgingly informed me they had loved. They were enthusiastic about the new scheme I had suggested and wanted me to deliver my pitch to them in person before the meeting with the author. Apparently, if all went well, they would discuss the option of making the scheme official within the company and would be selecting a team to spearhead the project. So no pressure there then, huh?
Haeun had been helping me try to build up my confidence with public speaking, though more often than not she'd ended up helping me out of the panic attacks that inevitably came on when I thought about standing at the front of the room, speaking to a room full of important influential professionals. I had actually made a fair bit of progress, as I could now get through my whole pitch without having to run out of the room to throw up in the bathroom. And I had learnt how to slow myself down and take my time with my words, so I didn't sound like a chipmunk on crack. Granted, I did still get sweaty palms and my stomach churned at the thought of people watching me, but baby steps, right?
Haeun had been amazingly supportive to me these last three weeks and I don't think I could have even considered speaking in front of people without her help. But surprisingly, I'd also gotten a lot of helpful advice from the guys as well, especially Noah. He'd shared some tips with me from his trainee days and had even listened to my pitch to give me some feedback. The other guys had offered some advice and support as well, but it was Ri and Dex who were my biggest champions. Admittedly, we hadn't had a lot of time to spend together these last few weeks, as Ri and the guys were training hard for their upcoming festivals, often working twelve hour days for six days of the week. But in the time I did get to spend with Ri, he made sure to offer his support and let me practice my pitch to him, often enlisting the help of Dex as an additional audience member. "Believe in yourself and your abilities. You can do anything you set your mind to" Dex had said to me. I'd started to use that as my mental mantra each time I practiced the pitch.
Haeun sat in one of the seats, watching me wear a hole in the carpet as I paced up and down the table in the room next door to where the editorial team were currently meeting before they called me in. "Lex, you've got this. Remember everything we've practiced these last few weeks. You've come so far and I know you can handle this. You do better than you give yourself credit for. And now that you've managed to convince our boss to let me join you, you'll have a friendly face there now too. So just do as we've practiced, remember to breathe and just pretend it's only us in the room. You'll kill it" she said supportively.
I nodded absent mindedly whilst continuing to pace, shaking my hands and arms out in an attempt to relieve some of the growing tension in my shoulders. I was starting to regret eating breakfast this morning already. I just hoped I wouldn't need to run out of the room mid pitch.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, distracting me from my pacing. I pulled out my phone and checked the screen. It was a message from Ri, who had recently changed his name to "bias" in my phone, as a personal joke between us.
Not that you need it, Jagi, but good luck for today. I know they will be just as blown away by you as I am every day. I know you can do this, I believe in you even when you don't believe in yourself. Your idea is amazing and no one deserves this more than you do, so go show them that you are someone to pay attention to. Tell me all about it later, in graphic detail xxx
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Charmer ||Lee Minho / LeeKnow||
Fanfiction~New chapters every Tuesday~ She's a socially awkward, accident prone girl trying to navigate and overcome her issues with anxiety and self worth. All she wants is to go about her life unnoticed and blend in. But she still has dreams she'd like to a...
