𝐖𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐆𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐌𝐄 𝐀 𝐅𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑? || ᴄꜱᴍ

十七 || Ignorance

Y/N didn't have the best memory.

If she was being honest, her recollection of anything was almost nonexistent. She didn't know the first thing about what had happened to her in the past—maybe a few things here and there, but that was about it.

At best, she remembered the bold details, the obvious things: who had died and who had survived, and why she became a devil hunter.

The reason she became a devil hunter was because she wanted someone to love her.

Then again, the kind of love that she wanted had remained unclear to her.

She wasn't sure if she wanted romantic love—though she did, anyway—but she didn't think that was her main goal. 

She always seemed to be more concerned with finding something closer to a family. Y/N did quickly learn, though, that a goal such as that was easier said than done.

When it came to being a devil hunter, a lot of things were easier said than done. It was already quite dangerous to have a family when you were a devil hunter.

Sure, some might argue that it was similar to being a police officer or a firefighter. It didn't seem so bad—so why couldn't one have a family or some sense of normalcy while also carrying out the duties of killing devils and fiends?

Well, it'd be fine if it weren't for the countless deaths that occurred almost every day in that line of work.

One time, Y/N witnessed a mother trying to eat her dead child.

As strange as it sounded, she couldn't help but feel that it was her fault the distraught mother had lost her sanity after her baby had been killed. 

Though she supposed that was just her guilty conscience, she couldn't shake the thought: How could she have a child when she had failed to protect another?

How could she even allow herself to have a family in the future?

She knew that her reasoning didn't make much sense. Her disappointment in herself wasn't justified either, because it's not like devil hunters are really expected to save everyone.

Life was hard, and unfortunately, death was just another part of it.

At the same time, though, she was there. She couldn't do more for the mother or the child.

Their first meeting was just death and destruction; she just wished life wasn't always like that.

This may have been another reason why she became a devil hunter. Most of the people she met at her job weren't so weak that they'd die that easily.

Like Himeno.

Himeno was the woman who helped teach her after Kishibe, Y/N's saving grace at the time. Though she was definitely odd, and Y/N knew that if she had children in the future, she wouldn't dare trust Himeno to babysit them, something about her made her happy.

Maybe it was just the sweet smile that Himeno always wore whenever she went to work, or maybe it was their shared love for love songs. Himeno almost felt like an older sister, a family member.

Himeno was her best friend, her one and only.

Life did get in the way from time to time, sometimes limiting their relationship. Even so, the two of them had great memories together. No matter what Himeno did that might have annoyed Y/N sometimes, she couldn't force herself to hold a grudge against her.

Then there was Aki Hayakawa.

The man carried a sword on his back as if it were a silent weight, though it almost felt weightless.