ihwa | hyunchan

05, after night

Hyunjin woke up to sunbeams shining through his blinds, brightening up his entire bedroom. The boy opened his eyes and then felt a sharp pain in his head. As he sat up, he felt very dizzy and drowsy, barely remembering anything from the night before. He went to the kitchen to have a glass of water. Although Hyunjin had been working in the host bar for months, he still hadn't gotten used to the constant hangovers. That's how every morning started for him. Each day he woke up with regret, not just regretting that he drank through the night, but regretting all his decisions that led him here.

Hyunjin had a good but humble upbringing. He was his parents' beloved only son, treated with great care his whole life. His biggest problem was money. They lived a simple life, which the boy was grateful for, but he couldn't help himself and always wanted more. Ever since he was a child, his friends always came from wealthy families. As a kid, he didn't understand why his peers had so many beautiful toys while he kept using the same old dolls and toy cars for many years. As he got older, he realized the social differences, which made him very upset.

During his high school years, he met his best friend, Jeongin. He spent a lot of time in Jeongin's home, which was huge and furnished with high-end furniture and electronics. It was aesthetic, like something from a home decoration magazine. He was mesmerized during his visits, trying to comprehend how it must feel to wake up in such a beautiful home every day. He felt too shy to invite Jeongin to his parents' little garden house. It was a simple home, where no colors matched, all the chairs and tables were collected from garage sales, and the pots, cups, and plates were only replaced if broken. The windows, flooring, and wallpaper were old and never renovated. Hyunjin longed for a pretty home like Jeongin's, failing to see the coziness and warmth in his own.

Jeongin was also a well-dressed boy. He wore designer brands, with expensive jewelry, watches, and accessories. Hyunjin thrifted most of his clothes and rarely bought any new pieces. If he did, he cherished them for years. If a piece of clothing was damaged, he would try to mend it before discarding it.

Jeongin never commented on Hyunjin's home or clothes, yet Hyunjin still felt small compared to him. He knew it wasn't Jeongin's fault or his parents'; it was just how life was—unfair. Despite his best efforts, Hyunjin's jealousy grew. He wanted the luxurious life his friend had—the spacious apartment, expensive clothes, and beautiful cars. He understood that wasn't his life, but he simply couldn't accept it. Fortunately, Hyunjin found a well-paying part-time job as a receptionist at a prestigious hotel, where he spent his afternoons after school. At work, he constantly observed the guests' expensive clothes, bags, and shoes. With his first paycheck, he bought realistic fake designer items to somewhat resemble his friend. He regretted it quickly, feeling foolish, knowing he could've helped his parents instead.

After graduating high school, Hyunjin decided to move out of his parents' home. By that time, he had saved enough to pay the deposit and rent for a while. Soon, he found the apartment he'd always dreamed of—newly built, aesthetically pleasing, and quite spacious. It wasn't extremely expensive; if he spent wisely, he could just afford it. Everything was going well until he was unexpectedly fired from his job. He felt devastated, as he depended heavily on that income. He applied to various jobs but was rejected each time. He was in big trouble, as rent was due soon, and his savings were nearly gone.

At last, he decided to try working as a host in a bar for men. He didn't like the idea of dressing up and drinking with random, older men, but he felt he had no choice. He needed a lot of money urgently, and this seemed like a temporary solution. The only problem was that his "temporary" solution had become quite permanent. Hyunjin was earning better than ever, but at what cost? That's the question he asked himself every morning while drinking his first glass of water. Was the pretty home really worth it? Was it worth living this life if he couldn't truly afford it? He knew the answer, yet for the first time in his life, he felt comfortable inviting Jeongin and his other friends to his home. He also felt proud when his parents visited, seeing their son living well, even if it was far from the truth. Hyunjin lied to his parents, telling them he was now a bartender at a specialty bar and never mentioned being fired from the hotel. He didn't want to be seen as a failure.

After contemplating his past and all his wrong decisions, Hyunjin finally started his day. He made some breakfast, prepared a meal for later, washed up, tidied his place, and went back to rest a little before heading to work again.