Hate (BL)

13

Grayson King

I wake up to the sun peeking through the blinds and hitting my face.

I look at the beautiful sight in front of me and a stupid smile creeps onto my face as I groan stretching.

My beautiful angel that lies in front of me staring back at me.

"Morning."

He sighs burying his face into himself.

"Not a dream."

He mumbles and I chuckle running my hand through his hair.

Dylan rapidly sits up and looks around his room and then back at me.

"You cleaned?"

"I didn't want you waking up to a mess."

"Thank you."

"Don't mention it. I got to sleep in your comfy ass bed in return."

"How..? How did this happen?"

"I didn't want to leave you alone... I had my worries."

Dylan nods. He yawns and lays back down.

"Don't be lazy now."

"It's Saturday."

"We have to be out of the house by 11 am."

Dylan doesn't say anything but turns around instead making his back face me.

"Dad would be so happy knowing that we are in the same bed and talking again."

I smile remembering the sleepovers Jason, him, and I had as kids. We were never quiet, our parents always scolded us and threatened to stop the sleepovers because of it.

"Do you think... Dad would be proud of me?"

"Dylan, your dad was never not proud of you. God, you do not know how many times I would have to sit and listen to him always brag about you. I genuinely thought my eyes would stay stuck rolled to the back of my head with how much I rolled my eyes bored of his same stories of you."

Dylan laughs turning back around to face me.

"The day before he died... I swore to him. That I would be by your side no matter what. Every annoying and stupid remark I threw at you and never leaving you alone at the office was me slowly approaching you again. When he died that was my mission and even if I didn't swear that I would still do it."

And just like that, my angel breaks down once again in front of me.

"I fucking hate you. I fucking hate how nice you have been to me these past few weeks. I hate how no matter what you do, you make me hate myself even more."

Dylan sobs uncontrollably in my arms. I put my chin on his head and hug him tight trying my best to comfort him.

"You've made me hate my body, you've made me hate my hair, you've made me hate my face, and you've made me hate all of me, every inch of me, and yet it hurts to let you leave me alone."

I've affected him this much...?

"Hate me. I deserve it. I made horrible remarks to you about your body that affected you negatively. I deserve every ounce of hate you have towards me in you. I don't care if this ends what slight friendship we gained these couple of months because I am not in no way deserving of forgiveness."

I've done it this time.

I was his problem.

How could I fix the problem if the problem was me all along?