ABOVE AND BEYOND

giving up.

Julia's p.o.v
It's been hours since she left. I was so hurt that she didn't even think the possibility of me being sick a while back. I remember I wanted cuddles but didn't want to eat anything. After a few minutes, of crying some more, I heard the main door open. I went thinking it was her but to my surprise, daddy was home. He is not much of a cuddle bug but he makes the exception for me. I sent and hugged him. He picked me up and I think he realized I wasn't the best of me at the moment as we went to cuddle on the sofa. After about thirty minutes, the door unlocked and as I was about to get up, mommy came in with aunt Judy. I smiled and waved at them. Mommy seemed to be in a sore mood the minute her eyes landed on me.

"What's that look for?" Daddy asked. I think he noticed too. I got up and stood beside him. "I'm sorry for the bother Mr. Grey. And Mrs. Grey, I'm sorry for stealing from your bag. I promise I'll not do it again. " I said as the realization settled in. She no longer liked me leave alone love me. It was time to move on. But before that, I had to pay them back. I had one more semester before I graduated so I knew I had no other place to go. I then walked to my room and changed into pants. I hate pants but I had to wear them. I then went downstairs and into the kitchen. She was there getting things out to start on dinner. I started washing the vegetables and put them on the bowl. I then took a knife and started to cut them up as I put them in smaller separate bowls. We had not said anything to each other. As I was finishing with the vegetables, a call came through to her phone. "Can you pick it up for me and put it in loud speaker?"

She asked. "Yes ma'am." I said  and did as she asked. "(sniffles) He-hello?" A girl said. I stiffened. "Oh hi sweetie. What's wrong?" Mrs Grey asked. My heart clenched and I knew this feeling all to well. This was loss. I just looked at the vegetables as the girl said, "Can you come please?" She asked. I anticipated the answer when she said, "sweetie, I can't because I'm with my family." She paused for a minute then said, "But I can send someone to pick you up. Is that okay?" My heart crushed even more. " Yeah." The girl sniffled. "Also, please pack an overnight bag because I don't think we can let you leave after. You'll spend the night." And at that. I knew one major thing. I was all alone again and this time round, there was no soft pillows to land on. It was all rocks and sharp thorns down beneath. After the call, washed her hands clear off the dough then she sent a text to someone and then continue to knead dough. I then helped her cook and by now, she looked a little more happy. After about thirty minutes, the doorbell rang. I got from the kitchen and open. I saw aunt Luci, with Delula and the now girlfriend, Louisa. I let them in and then I saw a girl. She was taller than me, her skin looked like a doll's skin, and her blonde hair, blue eyes, and her pink cheeks. It all now made sense now. I smiled as she waved. "Hi. You must be the help. Right? Yes are Julia... Yeah? I'm sorry, mama talked about Julia and how she helps and she's black so I thought it was you." My face was angry at first but now, it was clear. "Yes, I'm Julia." I said. I showed her to the kitchen and when she saw Mrs Grey, she screamed, "Mama!" Mrs Grey turned and took her in her arms.

I went back to my station and started cooking the stew that was left. The bread was already in the oven so when she went to introduce her to everyone, I was left cooking. I didn't know why it hurt despite knowing so well that this was bound to happen. After all the food was ready, I put them in bowls then started to put them on the dining room table. When done, I took the bread and sliced it. I then took the plates and set the table. I then went to the sitting room. "Food is ready." I said. My face was holding the perfect smile. "Oh Julia, meet Naya. The little who I've been visiting." Mrs Grey said. I smiled more and then waved. "Nice to officially meet you." I said. She giggled and they all fallowed me to the dining room. "You already set the table?" Mrs Grey said. I nodded then instructed where everyone should seat. I was seated in the furthest end where none of the Greys could reach me. Mrs Grey game me an angry look and I looked down. Then they started putting food in their plates. I waited and when they were done, I put the stew in my plate. I took a small piece of bread and started eating. I was so distracted by my own thought that I didn't realize that someone talked to me. I snapped up when Luci touched my arm. I looked at her about she was just looking at me shocked. I looked at everyone and they were all looking at me. I was confused as hell. I looked down to where most of their eyes were and saw my food was all red.

            Trigger warning.                     
I was shocked and when I looked at my hands, I couldn't help but rush to the toilet to vomit. After I was done, Mrs Grey was knocking on the door. "Julia, open the damn door." She said irritated. "I'm okay Mrs Grey. I didn't know I cut myself." I said flashing the toilet and washing my hands. "I said open this door right now!" I heard how angry she was and I knew there was no need to get myself kicked out while I haven't known what to do next. I opened the door as I wrapped my hand in a bandage. It was a little deep but I didn't want anyone to know.

I smiled at her. "I'm sorry I caused a scene ma'am. It was not my intention. I'll go clean the mess." I said hoping she'll let this pass. "Don't call me that! What is your problem? Few weeks ago, you didn't want anything to do with me, you kept yourself locked up in your room and when you got up, you stole something that's wasn't clearly your and when I asked, you lied. And then now you cut yourself? Are you that desperate for attention or is it just a sick game you want to play?" She was screaming at me and everyone was there looking at me. I looked down. I wanted to cry but I knew it was hopeless. I kneeled down then said, " I'm really sorry ma'am that I have not been behaving like am supposed to be. Promise that this will be the last time. Also I swear with my life that I didn't realize that I cut myself or anything. If it was self harm I'd have cut my neck. But I didn't realize. And I'm sorry Naya I took your milk. I just assumed that she wouldn't mind as I am... As I had thought that I was her little. I'm sorry." It was silent for a few seconds when Luci said, "Seriously? The two of you didn't realize she was sick?" I looked at her shaking my head pleading her not to say anything." She looked at me then said, "You are so stupid Julia. You are hurting so much but you can't feel the physical pain just because you can't have the guts to tell them what you feel so they can't think you are too clingy."

"And when are you going to tell them about the shrink you hired?" She continued. I looked down still on my knees as I didn't want anyone to know about my plans. They all looked at me and all I could say was, "I'm sorry Ms Luci." She groanedned frustrated. "May I go to my room please?" Mrs Grey sighed then said, can you let Naya sleep in your big girl room?" I'd ask you to share but I'd prefer you guys sleep separate tonight." I nodded not bothering anyone. I went to "my room" took the clothes I had kept at the far back of my closet. The same clothes I came with to this country. I then went to the guest room on the ground floor. I didn't feel like showering so I got under the blankets and fell asleep. Not before taking three sleeping pills from the Grey's medicine cabinet.