What This Could Be- Joe Jonas Fanfic

Chapter 43: Seeds of Doubt

*Joe's POV*

Christmas Eve always seemed like the busiest day of the year. Everyone collectively had the same idea to do some last-minute Christmas prepping, whether it be fighting to get the last ham at the grocery store or buying gifts for their loved ones.

"What time is it?" I asked Taylor while putting my homemade apple pie in the oven. Liv and a few of my friends that stayed in New York for the holiday were about to arrive within the hour to celebrate before spending it with their own families the following day.

"A little after four," she replied, finishing up with the indoor Christmas décor.

We made a great team. Throwing a holiday party at the very last second usually would stress me out, but she made it easy, even when I was a bit of a Scrooge.

Mikey and Spencer were the first two to arrive. Then Jack, Greg, and Paris. Then Liv. And lastly Rich, fashionably late as expected. One thing that I took for granted back in the day was genuinely enjoying just being around good company, letting myself freely be me.

I glanced over at Liv, noticing she was keeping to herself. Observing more than participating.

Grabbing an extra Christmas themed cocktail, I made my way over to her on the couch and presented it to her, "Drink for my favorite emo girl of the night?"

She accepted, taking the cocktail out of my hand, "How cute of you to finally admit I'm your favorite."

"Don't get used to it," I retorted to try to get a smile out of her, yet failed to do so, "Are you okay with being around Mikey?"

"Mikey? Of course," she replied, "We still respect the shit out of each other. We're cool."

"So what's up with the sad face?" I leaned my body slightly towards her to give her a friendly bump.

"It's like, super depressing," she looked down, giving her drink a stir with the decorative wooden stick.

"You wanna talk about it?" I offered. Joking seemed inappropriate in this moment.

She nodded before we both stood up and headed to the guest room.

Halfway through, I turned my body, feeling eyes on us. Everyone was too distracted to notice us, even Taylor. I guessed it was just my own paranoia, ignoring the sensation of being watched, and closed the door behind us.

"Just letting you know, I don't do this," she stated once she sat on the edge of the bed, putting the cocktail down on the nightstand.

I set my cocktail on top of the tv stand that was perfectly aligned with the bed and sat next to her, "Don't do what?"

"This," she gestured us with her hand, "I don't really let people in my thoughts and feelings, hence where my dark humor came from."

"I know," I replied, "Why do you think I never force it out of you?"

She fell onto her back with a sigh, "This Christmas feels a lot different than all the others."

"What do you mean?"

"I wish I didn't know this'll mostly be my last Christmas. It's hard to look my parents in their eyes and see the pain of them losing their only child as it is. That shouldn't be a fucking thing," she started to open up, "Do you know how many family members are at my parents' house right now? Too many. Some I barely even know or maybe met once when I was too young to remember. Why? To say their final goodbyes like I'm already on my deathbed or some shit."

I stayed silent, grasping the heaviness of the reality while trying to keep it together for her sake. I knew she never wanted anyone to feel sorry for her and would most likely make fun of me for it until her last breath if I dare showed an ounce of pity.

"And then I'm here and I feel guilty I'm not with them, or vice versa," a lone tear escaped from the corner of her eye and ran down the side of her face, "You know what's really ironic?"

I laid down on my side, facing Liv, while my elbow propped my upper body up. "What?" I wiped the tear casually with my thumb.

"You're the only person that's ever made me feel normal," she turned her head to look at me, "And no offense, but you're the last person I'd think to have a normal life. Before Taylor met you, all you were to me were thirst traps taking over my TikTok 'For You' page. Now, you're my boss that sasses me back and lets me sulk in their multimillion-dollar condo on the most joyful of holidays."

I couldn't help but grin, "Good to know what your algorithm was."

"I liked one, okay?" her smile brightened up the mood, "It only took that one like for you to hijack my funny animal videos and replace them with your existence! So really, you're the one to blame here. No wonder this Christmas isn't as joyful. I've been deprived of my farm animal joy."

I laughed, "I'll take the blame, but Liv?"

"I swear if you're about to tell me I should go back to my parents' place, I will take you down with me," she pointed her finger at me.

"I'm not," I instantly responded, "I will respect whatever you decide to do. But, and I'm saying this in the least sappiest of ways, thank you for giving me a lifetime of memories and putting up with me while traveling the world together."

Her eyes got teary, "Stop it, Joseph."

"You really are my favorite..." I paused for dramatic effect, "employee."

She smirked, "Yeah, well, I aim to please. Oh, and I might ask for a raise in like a month. Just letting you know beforehand."

Our laughter halted to a stop as a knock on the door brought our attention away from the conversation and onto Taylor standing in the doorway, her hand on the door handle.

"Everything okay in here?" she directed the question to me.

I glanced at Liv for a split second, "Yeah. We're good."

Liv lifted herself off the bed, grabbing her cocktail, and headed to the door, "I just got a little overwhelmed with all the noise. Joe was just helping me."

Taylor nodded her head, her eyes still on me, "Right. Well, you guys gonna come back out? We're about to do some karaoke."

"You know I'll never say no to karaoke," Liv acted oblivious to Taylor's cynicism, "Oh! Joe! We have to show Tay our duet! Tay, you're gonna love it, I swear!"

I sat up, guilt and shame eating at me even though I knew I hadn't done anything wrong. 

"Sorry," Liv turned back around to me, "One more thing, you're gonna be here tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah, why?" 

"Just wondering," she nonchalantly responded. 

Once Liv left the room, I could feel the same stare that I had been sensing all night. "We were just talking," I assured her, "I promise."

"Okay," she accepted my answer for now, "Show me this duet you guys have."

Maybe, just maybe, telling her my dream might have put some seeds of doubt and distrust in her mind.