The Unspeakable Desire

Room 216.

-

"Good morning everyone my name is Dr. Natalya Petrov. In this class we will be briefing African American literature, music, food, and of course general history." There was around 25 people in my class and everyone had the same expression I did: pure confusion.

Not only was the teacher a 5'4 blue-eyed light-brown haired white woman, but her accent clearly wasn't American. She continued on, "I know what you all are thinking: this lady is clearly not American, and you would be correct!" She laughs as the confused glances turned soft, "I am from Bulgaria, a country in eastern Europe for all who do not know." Finishing with a beautiful smile she walks back to her desk and pulls down the projector screen.

The first day was boring as expected; in my boredom I found myself unable to hear the professors voice. To keep myself up I watched her eyes in an attempt to listen, yet I felt myself getting distracted. Her bright blue eyes shimmered under the dull classroom lighting like the southern Pacific ocean. Her lips were full and red like wine, I wonder how they felt. Every word she spoke went directly over my head so the only sense of mine activated was my eyes.. and they were on her.  She flipped her hip length dark brown hair over her shoulders, while the light curls fell gracefully onto her shoulders. A piece of hair still framed her face meanwhile the rest shaped her silhouette. 

Oh. My. Glob.

I squeeze my eyes shut and lower my head... what am I thinking? I don't even know this woman, yet I'm objectifying her while having not a clue what's going on. While I catch myself oogling the professor I attempt to realign myself with the material. Given that it is just the first day of class she is just discussing the syllabus, how exciting.

Inside the classroom the general feel was cold. There were students who were paying attention while others were in their own world, naturally. But me...my eyes were on her. While I was admiring her otherworldly appearance the sound of her voice went quiet.

What is wrong with me?

-

"So then, when is the first paper due? Can anyone telll me?" She asks the unnervingly quiet class.

No one raises their hand. Ouch. What's worse is the answer is on the board.

I raise my hand, "September 30th."

A few heads turn to look at me causing me to sink into my chair a little.

Dr. Petrov smiles and points to the date on the screen, "That's right! September 30th is when your first paper is due. The word requirement is 1200 so a month and a half is plenty." Many people in the class begin writing in their planners, some annoyed grumbles from a select few; Dr.Petrov was unphased.

All in all the paper is quite simple; write a 1200-1500 length paper about an African American who aided in the civil rights movement. The professor was aware of the fact many students were not pleased to already being assigned a paper, "I can understand where the distaste for this paper is coming from. I would like to reassure you all, there is no homework in my class. Period. From this day on I will be giving you all the resources and tools to choose the perfect person to write about. I will not HELP with writing, I teach history not English, however I will make sure know who to go to" she finishes.

"So then what do you mean by tools and resources?" A female voice ask.

Dr. Petrov walks to the side of the class where the voice came from, "I will give you all reliable sources, primary and secondary, regarding numerous civil rights leaders and activist. I will not be giving you an outline or things that help with structuring. To take this class you must have passed freshman English with a B or higher, so I believe you all are capable."

-

The class drew closer to the end; and my eyes were studying her sophisticated yet simple outfit. Her aura was overpowering my will to learn. A white button down nicely tucked into a dark blue pencil skirt, very simple..... very sexy.

That's how I want to be when I get older, effortlessly classy.

The clock strikes 11:30 making the class officially over. Thank glob.

Right as I'm leaving I look back at Dr.Petrov, and she's looking at me too, so I walk back towards her desk. Thankfully all the other students have since gone, I smile, "Wait sorry when is the paper due again?"

FUCK. I literally answered this question an hour ago! Fuck.

She chuckles a little bit while I try to recover, "I meant how much is the paper worth towards our overall grade?" Whew. I think that saved me.

Did it? She looks at me while resting her chin atop her pale veiny hands. I guess we were doing a staring contest-

"I do not want to pry but to be in my class you need to listen" she stands up, her index finger tracing the desk as she walks to the other side to meet me. I step back a bit as she sits on top of the desk in front of me, "You had your eyes on my all class yet you're here asking questions I already answered."

"I'm sorry I-"

"Don't apologize, I understand. Focusing is hard for meny people so do not attempt to defend yourself," she starts while grabbing a card from her desk and extending it towards me, "I have an office inside the library. The hours are 2-4pm every weekday so if you need extra help don't be scared to see me there."

As she's talking I grab the thick card, on it was her office details.

"Thank you Dr. Petrov! I'll be sure to visit you there!"

"No problem Lottie, you're welcome in my office any time."

-

Admittedly I understand she is JUST my professor and is trying to help me out, but I felt a spark. I had about 30 minutes until my next class so I went to the bathroom and texted the Reddit groupchat (now on iMessage).

#ihatemybf🙄

kenji
bruh who is changing the name

eli
idk

hey yall! just got out of class.
where yall st?

kenji
if you didnt know why did you
answer🥱

at*

alli🎀
im near the cafeteria do you want
something? they have blueberry
and chocolate muffins!

eli
>if you didnt know why you answer🥱
because i CAN

Before I respond I finish up in the bathroom by flushing AND washing my hands.

I'm On My Way! to the cafe.

isaiah😏
damn HUNGRY the food not
going anywhere😂😂

eli
LMFAOOOOOOO

ryann
she eager as hell for a muffin ong

I sign, turn my phone off, and head for the cafeteria. It's gonna be a long semester.

-

this book is hella personal because i will be transferring soon and im also gay