The Unspeakable Desire

Dr.'s Office.

-History Dept. Library, Room 112-

My final class of the day was finally over, and I could return to my office for 30 minutes of quiet time. The first days of class were extremely boring and repetitive with all the syllabus talk, introductions, and remembering names.

Which reminds me that I had not taken attendance all day. Great. Just great. Atleast for the students who weren't in class are still going to get credit, so its a win-win situation. Although, I've never missed taking attendance before... I'm not sure what's gotten into me.

I shake the thoughts from my mind and turn my monitor on to check my email. Thankfully I don't have any, however due to my mistake I decide to send out an announcement.

-
[To: ...]
[Subject: A.A. His 205 Attendance Update]

Hello students,

I apologize for forgetting to take attendance during our recent class. To make up for my mistake, I have decided to give all students a full credit for their attendance this time, regardless if you attended. Please remember in the future that regular attendance is crucial for staying on top of the course materials.

My office is closed this week, but will be open starting next Monday.

Thank you and have a great day!
Dr. Natalya Petrov
History Dept. Library Room 112
Office hours: 2-4pm (Monday-Thursday)
-

Before hitting send I recheck the student list making sure I leave one out, Lottie Dubois; I change the message ever so slightly.

-
[To: ...]
[Subject: A.A. His 205 Attendance Update]

Hello students,

I apologize for forgetting to take attendance during our recent class. To make up for my mistake, I have decided to give all students a full credit for their attendance this time, regardless if you attended. Please remember in the future that regular attendance is crucial for staying on top of the course materials.

Thank you and have a great day!
Dr. Natalya Petrov
History Dept. Library Room 112
Office hours: 2-4pm (Monday-Thursday)
-

After sending both emails I fall backwards into my chair covering my face with my hands.

Her demeanor during class made her hard to ignore- she didn't say much but her gentle, yet expressive face said it all. Making eye contact with students while giving a lesson is key to promote engagement and my respect for them. Every single time I looked into Lottie's eyes I knew she wasn't listening, her eyes appeared glossy; which peaked my interest. How could she appear so out of it but still be engaging? Was I overthinking? Why am I thinking about this specific student?

ding

I check the notification on my phone... from my husband. A very loud sigh is automatically released as I unlock my phone to respond.

-

Husband

Husband
Hey hun, what are you
thinking for dinner?

I don't know I'm not hungry
yet

Husband
I was thinking Mexican maybe
those birria tacos or quesadillas

Ok

-

"Oh my fucking gosh." I say outloud, it's not that I hate my husband or anything I just can't stand the idea of him.

I mean, its barely 2pm and you're asking for dinner... go get fast food. Just relax, it'll be fine, just go to the store and get the ingridients... and cook when you get home. This is my unfortunate reality... playing multiple characters I would never pass an audition for. A wife..... to a man.... the thought is daunting.

My dreams are but a fantasy I could never imagine truly living. To cope with my horrific marriage I grab the Berry Ice vape in my drawer, and inhale deeply. Hitting it back to back a few more times to calm my nerves.... it's no good but I like to believe it works.

knock knock knock

Oh fuck me.

I throw the vape back inside the drawer while swiping away at the smoke, coughing slightly, "Come in!" I say in my professor voice.

The door opens slowly....there she is....Miss Lottie Dubois. Wow....she looks even more dreamy in my well-lit office. Her tall proportions shocked me a little as I hadn't noticed before, her pink sweater tucked into her light tan skirt... stop.

Despite my best efforts I can't help but smile, I stand up to greet her properly, "Here take a seat." motioning to the chair on the opposite side of my desk as I return to my desk.

"Hey so I wanted to ask you something."

"Yea of course, anything." Resting my chin atop my hands; I can see in her face she's struggling to find the words.

Finally, she looks up at me,

"Well, if you forgot to take attendance earlier... how did you know my name?"

My heart dropped to my ass.

мамка му .

"I can explain."

-
does this format make sense? i hope so!

мамка му(mamka mu)=fuck/shit