It had been one of those days again. Josh had relapsed for maybe the 4th time that month with everything. The cutting, bulimia… He had to do it. He thought it was the only way stay sane without killing himself. All of the homework, and constant bullying at school definitely was not helping with anything. He was known as the emo boy who paints his nails and had black and blue hair, covering his eyes, and had no friends. Well, he had one friend but that’s about it. It was good enough for him though. All he needed was that one friend. Matt was always there for him when he need to be comforted. He’d vent to him and the other would understand completely.
They always had this special bond between one another. They were as close as possible. Some nights when Josh couldn’t handle anything, Matt would come over and stay until everything was okay. He’d let Josh cry pm him until all of his tears were spent. Matt would hold him as if they were a couple. These moments last, and they take it in and never let go. Matt would stay over night, and sleep in the same bed together, because Josh didn’t want to be alone. It was weird at first, yet so comforting to have someone there with him. They both got used to holding eachother like that. – Almost too comfortable.
But tonight, tonight is the night that will change everything for the both of them.
Josh was in the corner of the bathroom. Just minutes ago he was crouched infront of the toilet throwing up all he had inside of him. – well most of it. And now, there was blood streaming down his wrists. He hated doing this to himself, but he feels like there’s not another choice. He was so shaken up, he could barely even hold the phone to his ear as he attempted to call Matt. After a few short, but long rings Matt quickly answered. “Hey Josh, what’s up?” Matt could barely even hear or understand what he was saying because the other was crying so hard. All he heard was “I relapsed. I’m sorry.” After he heard that, the younger hung up the phone, quickly ran down stairs to get his jacket and ran into the freezing air of Vancouver. It was raining that day too… great.
Matt had even forgotten to grab his keys to the house, but that didn’t matter. All that mattered right now is Josh. Nothing else. His jacket wasn’t warm enough but he didn’t care. He ran through the streets of Vancouver, trying to avoid everyone else that was in the way. Josh’s house was only a few blocks away, but he had to hurry just in case he did something else. Something worse.
Matt barged through the doors of Josh’s apartment and hurriedly ran around the house to try and find the elder. The obvious place would be, in the bathroom. So he went there, and found Josh knees up to his chest, his head buried in his knees softly crying. Matt saw the amount of blood, and some of the throw up left on the toilet seat. Josh looked up, his best friend could see the shame in his eyes. He hated having the one he loved seeing him in pain like this. It made him feel weak. Matt sat down beside Josh cautiously, trying not to hurt him. “Hey buddy. It’s okay. Everything’s going to be alright as long as I’m here.” Josh didn’t even think about it, he grabbed onto Matt and buried his head in his neck letting the tears fall freely now. Not caring that Matt was seeing him cry. After all, he had seen him cry before. Matt didn’t care that the other was probably getting blood on his jacket. He’d clean it up later. He placed his hand on the back of Josh’s head, and rubbed slow circles on his back.
When Josh finally stopped crying Matt made him look at him. He brought his hand up to his cheek and whipped a tear away from his stained face. His eyeliner was running, but he still look adorable. Josh’s nose was stuffed, and his eyes were red. But looks didn’t matter right then. The younger rested his forehead on the others and took a deep breath. They sat there for, god knows how long. “You shouldn’t do this to yourself Josh. It hurts me more than it hurts you.” Matt sighed and looked at Josh, real concern in his eyes. It really did hurt him. It hurt him so much he couldn’t even describe it. He needed Josh to stop hurting himself before he hits a vein, or throws up too much to the point of death. It isn’t healthy. And it really scares Matt sometimes. Josh was so skinny it wasn’t even funny. How could he think he was fat? He didn’t know. To Matt, he was perfect. But that’s his perspective. “I know I need to stop, I just… I just can’t. it’s hard. You wouldn’t understand.”
“I know I wouldn’t. But please stop, for me?” Josh just laughed to himself. “It isn’t that easy Matt,” The other sighed and got the gauze and cleaner, like he always did when Josh did this to himself. He put some cleaner on a piece of Kleenex and put it on Josh’s arm. He inhaled sharply at the stinging, but stayed still for Matt to do this.
After he was all fixed up, they just sat there for the longest time. None of them spoke. They were just taking in each others company. Josh rested his head on Matts shoulder. “You know I’m really sorry for causing you pain…” Matt put his finger under Josh’s chin to make him look at him. His eyes weren’t so bright anymore. They were filled with pain, shame, and a little bit of hope. Josh ducked his head down and looked at his arm that was now covered up. This time, Matt cupped his cheeks to make him look at him. He was contemplating doing it. But he wanted to lean in so badly and take Josh’s lips in his own. Would he freak out and push him away? Or would he kiss back? He didn’t want to do it just yet. “All I ask is for you stop please try and stop. Please. For me. Do it for me.” Josh hated putting his best friend in this sort of state where he didn’t just hurt himself, he hurt the ones he loved too. “I can try, but I can’t promise anything.”
The pain in his voice was so obvious. Matt almost started crying for the first time that night, and Josh noticed. “No, Matty please don’t cry.” Soft tears fell from his eyes as he finally let out all the pain he had been keeping to himself. Matts hands feel to his sides. Josh probably did the craziest thing ever, but he wouldn’t regret it. He cupped the others boys face and leaned in connecting their lips together. Matt was surprised at this, but he started to kiss Josh back. He didn’t need to make the first move, thank god. If he did, it’d be an awkward attempt. But that didn’t matter right now. Matt kissed him back slowly and softly, it was just lips moving. It was the most gentle kiss ever, and it was perfect to them. They soon pulled apart after a few moments. Their faces were still millimeters away. He could feel Josh’s breath ghosting over his lips. “I.. I love you.” Josh finally said. Matt smiled at those three words. Josh loved him, and he loved him back. “I love you too, Joshy.” For the first time in months, the older actually smiled. It wasn’t a fake one, he could tell. It was a real genuine smile. One that he hadn’t seen in so long. And Matt was because of that smile.
The two of them sat there for the rest of the night, planting gentle kisses on each others lips.
