subject 514

how i arrived

my name is melody summers. i grew up in upstate new york, no friends, no family. just me and the 7 foster homes i've been in. i'm not social, didn't have acquaintances. i played soccer till i was 11, got kicked off my team, falsely accused of violence. my coach didn't like me, my teammates didn't like me, i didn't have much of an escape. my first attempt was at 12 years old. i tried to overdose, found on my bed by my foster parents, bottle empty. sent to a psych ward for a week, and shipped back into foster care. my next family found me with my wrists bleeding, the next one caught me with a rope, and the following caught me ingesting rat poison. pills, gowns, bandages, meds, charcoal juice, therapy, over and over again. my last foster home was one of a kind. the woman i stayed with was strict. 5 other kids in my home. we lived in a large building in the city. real high roof. on january 3rd, as i stood, looking over the edge, the door to the rooftop suddenly burst open. "MELODY SUMMERS, ARE YOU INSANE?" i was, or so the psychiatrist said. i waited in the clinic for about an hour. they bandaged my bleeding wrists and questioned me once again. i had no idea that this was the last time. i'd never be hospitalized again. "we found a home for certain girls...girls like her." i heard through the door, as i sat in the waiting room. the following day, i was taken from the clinic in a limo. a limo? why? the car was full with 3 other girls. an emo, a fag, and a kid. god, where the hell were they taking me? i stared down the curly haired butch. light brown mullet, slightly muscled, about 5'8 in height. "fuck you looking at, leprechaun?" she snapped. i knew i wasn't going to enjoy my stay, little did i know it would get far worse. the emo had purple hair, a single black streak in her bangs. she was wearing a my chemical romance tee, striped arm warmers, and her mascara was pouring down her cheeks. someone obviously broke her heart. the girl next to me was small, maybe 4'7 in height. she was petite, looked worried. i saw her nervously glance around as her shoulder length blonde hair in a pony swung. pretty gold hoops on each ear. she couldn't have been older than 10, what on earth was she doing here? as i looked around some more, i figured out that our ages definitely varied. my 14 year old self, an elementary schooler, and two girls who looked on the brink of graduation. the car ride was about an hour. we stopped in the woods, in front of a fenced gate, maybe 9 or 10 feet tall. the gate swerved around the building, no outsiders could see what was going on inside. when the gate opened, the four of us stared out. a school sized building. white walls, a large banner on the front that labeled it a mental hospital. was i surprised? no. yet something about the place was odd. the hospital was located deep inside a forested path, barely any road to follow. suddenly, two large men in security uniforms walked out, opened the doors, and took ahold of our arms in each hand. they pulled us in a rough manner, through the glass doors. glass doors in a mental hospital, unheard of. there was a nurse at the front, behind a small desk, sorting papers. she looked up to see us and flashed us with a kind smile. we were led into a small room with a curtain. i knew this all too well. one by one, we would walk behind the curtain and strip off our clothing. "squat and cough," i had heard this many times before. the nurse stood behind the curtain with a clipboard in her hand. as i took off every last piece of clothing i wore,she examined my body. tally marked all the scars. my clothes were taken, replaced by a hospital gown. all the usual. the other girls seemed frightened by the experience, must've been their first time. i remember my first time, i passed out while getting my blood taken. woke up with mental illness AND a head injury. after the 4 of us finished getting checked, we were led into a room about the size of a large classroom, maybe 10, 15, beds in all. tiny, flat beds, barely any mattress. what the fuck was this place, i thought, did they seriously expect me to sleep here? the room was filled with girls of all ages. i spotted a beautiful girl, long, flowing, blonde curls, piercing green eyes, and a tall stature. she walked over to me and the gang. "welcome! my name is raina, i'm the staffs most trusted member. ahaha, don't be worried ladies! there is a bed assigned to each of you, look for your first names. and of course we can't forget to take our medicine!" she handed us each 2 pills and a cup of water. why werent our meds separate, i wondered. the other 3 girls took their pills, as raina watched. i hesitated. "silly melody, our medicine is important to keep us healthy and safe! go on," i saw no other way out, i took the pills. hid them under my tongue. "now open wide girls, let me check-" raina was cut off by the nurse who opened the door. "group therapy! raina, show these new girls where to go." i sighed in relief as raina led the group. as we exited the room, i spit out my pills and slid them under a mattress. we walked into a room with 9 chairs. all of the girls sat down. "looks like we have a few new members!" said the nurse. a small, frail girl, lots of scars on her arms, asked, "where..where are the others..?" the nurse flashed her an irritated look as she responded, "they have been released! isn't that great? if you girls keep on working on yourselves, you'll be released soon too!" we looked around. silence. suddenly, a quiet, dark haired girl in the corner croaked, "nurse kate, i've been here for 9 years..." "quiet, marina. we all know your case is different." snapped raina. the dark haired girl, apparently named marina, bowed her head down in apology. the nurse did not say a word. she had us introduce ourselves, and asked us one thing we like to do. it felt like elementary school. the butch lesbian was called sam. she seemed to like hockey and homicide. the emo went by sky, and she enjoyed cutting herself. the little girl was named julie, she said she liked to spend time with her mommy when her stepdad was not around. the frail girl was called emily, she liked to take walks. raina enjoyed being in charge, and marina liked to sleep. i went last. "i'm melody, i like soccer." sam giggled. "i didn't know leprechauns played soccer...hehe..he.." no one laughed. the nurse asked about our coping strategies. cutting, cutting, fighting, coloring, cutting. god i hate psych wards. we were taken back to the bedroom after we ate. i uncomfortably sat in my bed. i was surrounded by other girls. like i said already, i'm not the social type. sleepovers were not my thing. i had slept in a room with 2 other foster kids at most, but a room full of girls? ranging in ages? that was new. raina shut the lights, and shortly, everyone around me was snoring. the girl in the bed across from mine was the little one, julie. i watched her sit up as time ticked by. she looked around, she hugged her knees to her chest, and she began to cry. what the hell was i supposed to do, comfort her? the most social interaction i had had until then was when i told the lunch lady i was lactose intolerant. fuck no, i was not gonna comfort a crying kid. yet i found myself sitting beside her anyway, asking what was going on. she told me her stepdad was really mean to her mommy, he hit her a lot. julie said her mommy really liked her pills and special juice, and that her stepdad would provide for her mother. the poor kid tried to defend her mom on christmas eve, and took it a bit too far with the pan. she knocked her stepdad out and beat him almost to death. julie was 9 years old, she was in a hospital for "attempted murder" at 9 years old. she said the court would only let her stay out of juvie if she stayed at the hospital, so here she was, in a long term facility as an itty bitty 9 year old. i promised her she'd be fine, and that she'd be out of there in no time. we sat on her bed in silence. behind the door, we heard footsteps. i immediately rushed back into my bed and closed my eyes. why was raina outside of the room? she walked up over each bed and shined a light in our faces. i held my breath while she flashed the light in mine. i exhaled in relief as she walked away, moving on to the next bed. suddenly, she took grip on the frail girls bed, the girl called emily, and took it out the door. right, these beds have wheels. we're in a hospital, i thought. as soon as raina left, julie and i sat up to stare at each other. we knew something was up. without a word, the two of us stood up from our beds and walked towards the door. raina left it a crack open. we rushed through and left the door in the same position it had been at before. raina took the bed down a hallway, we followed. julie thought it was best to stay behind a bit, so we lingered a few hundred feet away. since when was the hospital this big... raina took an elevator, and we watched. there was an emergency staircase right beside it. the curiosity took over the two of us and we ran down the stairs. we ended up in a basement...no...more like...an underground laboratory...? machines of all different kinds stood all around. it was dark, and there was a green glow coming from a few hundred feet away. we followed the light. suddenly, julie froze. the look on her face stopped me, as i turned to look at what the glow was coming from. a large glass tube, 9 or 10 feet tall, about 4 feet wide, was standing in the center, filled with liquid. chords and smaller tubes floated inside, connecting to a mass inside the larger tube. they connected to a girl, a teenage girl, brown skin, dark hair, floating inside the tube, naked. on the glass it wrote, "SUBJECT 514, DECEASED" i looked over at julie. her eyes were tearing up with fear. i noticed that this was not the only tube, 513 others stood around it. different girls, different liquids, different experiments. i stood there, mouth gawking open, as julie sobbed quietly into my gown. this wasn't a hospital, this was a fucking laboratory, and they were going to use us. behind a glass screen, i watched as raina pulled the bed through the door. there was a scientist. a nurse, and a table, full of all the medical supplies one could imagine. there were syringes, filled with different fluids. the frail girl was loaded off her bed, onto a table with restrictive cuffs. her hands and feet were cuffed to the table, and raina chuckled. "is my work here done, doctor?" raina enthusiastically exclaimed. "yes, you're free to go. goodnight raina," the scientist responded. poor julie watched all of this in pure horror as raina exited the screened room. i immediately took julie's hand and sprinted back out where we came from, only to find ourselves lost in the maze of a laboratory. we turned to a corner, found a dusty vent, large enough to fit the two of us, and i grabbed the vent window to push julie in. i crawled in afterward, sealed the window, and we waited. raina came around the corner, looking for the suspect behind the noise she probably heard, got tired, and left. julie and i let out the breaths we had been holding in, exchanged glances, deciding it was no longer safe out there, and the two of us crawled down the vent. about 10 minutes of crawling, and we finally found a room. a room with no doors, no windows, it was a padded room filled with boxes. the smell of cinnamon came from inside. julie slowly pushed the other door of the vent, and we came crawling out. from behind the boxes, a tall slim girl walked out. maybe 16 in age, dark curly hair in pigtails, tan skin, bleached bangs. strange appearance overall. she panicked and ran back behind the boxes. julie slowly approached her, and put a hand on the tall girls shoulder. "it's okay, we're not here to hurt you" julie comforted the slender girl, for her to look up and respond with "yeah no shit sherlock but now the fucking vents broken," the three of us glanced at the vent, screws out. from behind the boxes, the strange girl pulled out a screwdriver. "gotta fix this shit as soon as you leave, don't need anyone finding me." julie looked confused. "are you hiding from the bad guys?" "indeed," maya responded. "very bad guys indeed. does your redhead friend speak too or what?" the two of them looked over at me. i realized i hadn't said a word since we got in. "i'm melody," and i stuck my hand out for a handshake. the girl backed away, rude. "i'm maya kim." holy shit, where had i heard that name before...those WANTED posters from about a year ago..."yeah, same maya kim who killed 2 staff members at my old hospital, blah blah. this hospital is so old, not even the staff know about this room. it was used to keep the russians, back in the 80s or some shit, look at the wall." julie and i glanced over at the walls of the padded room, unknown russian letters carved into the walls. "how do you survive here?" asked julie. "good point, haha. the public can't know i escaped or the ward will be shut down. they're keeping shit quiet. i been here a few months, the other vent right over there connects to the cafeteria. and i got books." she pointed to the box full of graphic novels, chapter books, childrens books, fuck i think i saw the bible in there, my point is, lotta books. "cool! where'd you get those??" asked julie. "i have my ways. how long are you guys planning on staying, i have a chapter of pride and prejudice i gotta finish." julie looked slightly concerned. "how do we get out of here maya...i don't wanna be a test subject!" "hey kid, you'll be fine. they study your behavioral patterns for the first few months, i been watching 'em. pretty sure there's a drug delivery coming in..bout a month, yeah. then you can sneak out, low security." julie looked at maya. "maya...what about you?" "i don't trust you guys enough, ha. maybe i'll tag along if you guys keep your mouths shut." "you're not worth talking about anyway," i whispered under my breath. "what was that?" maya seemed to have heard me. "why aren't you two asleep anyway? did you take the pills that raina gave?" oh yeah, those suspicious pills...maybe that's how everyone fell asleep within minutes. i shook my head. "julie, did you take them?" i asked. "no..truth is, i can't take pills! my mommy always gave me gummy medicine, and the pills are very hard to swallow." well that was great, now they'd make her drink her shit. "julie, you can't tell that to the staff. hide the pills under your tongue when you need to," i said. "okay!" julie responded. "we'll get going now i guess," i said. "you do that, don't come back. i'll be watching." the two of us left, as maya fixed the vent behind us. there were a few vents in that room, she led us to the one that would take us back to our room. took a few minutes of crawling, but we got there. thank god, everyone was still asleep. we crawled back under our sheets, hoping things would go unnoticed. the next morning, when we woke up, raina eyed me strangely. jeez, what was her problem. "i really like your hair love, is it natural?" she finally asked. "yeah haha.." i responded awkwardly. raina walked away, weird encounter. the day passed, we partook in activities, raina would not stop eyeing me. maybe it's because i'm new, i thought. nothing special...the day came and passed. "medicine! come get your medicine!" this time, raina was not the one passing it out. the nurse, i think her name was kate, she was entrusted with the medicine. raina stood right next to me, watching as i "took" my pills. "nice day out, isn't it?" raina asked. i nodded, pills under my tongue. we hadn't been outside...there were no windows in the room..."melody, how did you sleep last night?" she asked. i panicked and accidentally choked on my pills. "i slept...fine..haha.." shit. she got me. i was gonna be knocked out tonight. poor julie was going to wake up, all alone, cold and scared. it was time to sleep, i was real tired. told julie i took the pills. she sighed and went on to her bed. i slept fine. the next morning, i woke up. something was off. where the hell was julie...