Polar Opposites

Matty

I don't leave my room until my father gets home. I can't leave my room. I'm paralysed. In my state of emotional turmoil. I have never hated myself more than I do now. I have never felt anything more than I do now.

I didn't mean to hurt her. I didn't realise that I had hurt her until I was pulled back by Robin. I was blinded, taken to a different dimension. I don't know what I would have done if Robin hadn't stopped me. I don't want to.

Robin tried to get me to come out while we tensely wait for my father, but I can't. I cant show my face to him. Show him the monster I truly am. How plagued by emotions I am. I want to continue to live in my bubble. Shut off from everyone and everything. No one can hurt me, and I can't hurt them. Locked up from society like the freak I am.

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My father gets home about 2 hours after the incident. As I hear him come through the door I heave my sorry sack of bones off the bed, and walk downstairs to meet him, my footsteps clunking down the stairs to the rhythm of a death march. I tell him everything. And he doesn't say anything the entire time. He just sits there, deathly quiet, the only sign of emotion his nostrils flaring up and down with his sharp intakes of breath. I finish and wait with baited breath.

'Have you talked to her?' he says through gritted teeth.

'What?'

'Have you talked to her?' He says angrily.

I continue to look at him blankly, unsure if the point that he's getting at.

'She was unconscious, was she not?'

I nod.

'Then maybe you'll be so lucky that she doesn't remember your... outburst.'

I blink twice at him like a lizard.

'If for some strange reason she doesn't remember what happened,' I say, 'which is extremely unlikely, then I think the bruises she has might be a clear hint that something has changed in the past 24 hours.'

My father stands up suddenly, his calmness gone as quick as it had come.

'Then use your fucking imagination!' He shouts, spittle flying from his mouth, 'This is the only shitty chance that we have to actually salvage the remnants of this plan that you have so blatantly fucked up. You can continue to leave your mistakes untended, or actually get off your ass and do something about it.'

I give him the finger in return, and then scuttle out of the room before he escalates the situation even further. I highly doubt Lana is going to forget me pummelling her half to death, but at this point, it's all I've got.

'And it would make you feel better' the little voice in the back of my plain whispers. I push it away. I will not give in to emotions. They make me weak. They make me hurt people. The made me hurt her.