I think I just finally came to terms with it, but I think that maybe I always knew. There was always that part of me that liked girls. I had just never found a girl to like.
Then she came along. Brown eyes warmer than the hearth on Mount Olympus. Arms more comforting than a warm sleeping bag on a cool summer night. And I let myself admit to a girl-crush.
Girl-crushes didn't make me lesbian, right? I still liked boys. And who said I ever even really liked girls. No, I just thought she was kind of cute, and fierce, and maybe beautiful and sweet, and protective, and awesome. But, no. I didn't like her like that, did I?
Even now, most of my friends don't know. I'm not sure I'm ready to admit it to them the same way I was never prepared to admit it to myself. Who says you have to pick one? The same way I can have two different colors I can like to different types of people. That didn't make me weird. It makes me eclectic. My taste in music represents my tastes in people. Different, unusual, spanning over many different genres.
I match my gender and sexuality the same way I match a striped sock with a patterned one. Which doesn't really matter because I always make sure both socks are clean.
I. Am. Bisexual. Three words I have never had the courage to say out loud until recently.
Her compliments are something that I haven't had the pleasure to blush for without feeling embarrassed because I know she doesn't mean it the way I want her to mean it. And now, gay marriage is legal, but I'm almost more afraid than I was before. It isn't just commitment to a person it's commitment to a title. A label that not everyone is committed to being open to, accepting to.
Queerness means changing pronouns in love stories, in poems. It means people have to guess whether or not you actually mean a guy or a girl. It means they aren't sure how to take your compliment. It means people second guess you when you say you don't like someone. It means that they automatically think you like everyone in the gender or genders that you feel attracted to. Even though you're not attracted to everyone in the genders.
I. Am. Not. Straight. The four words I have never had the courage to say out loud. Ever.
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Rambles of a Queer Girl
Teen FictionIt was different. I felt something different. They couldn't be butterflies. No. Not with them. I can't get butterflies. She's a girl. No. I'm just lonely. No, I'm just depressed. No, I can't like a boy and a girl at the same time. That's too far, w...
