HER THOUGHTS..

01

It didn't kill me.
But something inside me died that day..

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7-years old;;
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Its my 7th birthday.
I ask my mom if she had forgot something,
She said "no.I never forget something easily."
Every time I have remind them it's my birthday
They don't really remember
I think it's because they have been so busy with work
And there are exams goin on too.

,At night,

Father's at home and he is angry.
I don't know why he's always angry after work
He might be exhausted...
But why always..
Am confused.
Whatever.
Now am waiting for him to wish me happy birthday.
Even tho I know he is never interested.
But still,
I do have some hope.
.....
....
..
Now there are two hours left for my birthday to finish.
I am having some hope.
That it's just a prank they are doing, and they will celebrate it and give me a surprise.
...
There are ten mins left-
Am tired of waiting.
I told my mum that it's my birthday
She is confused.?
"Really, happy birthday' I literally forgot but we will celebrate it tomorrow for sure."
That's what she said...
I said a lil thank you.
Am in my room sitting all alone waiting for my siblings to came sleep with me
Am scared'
I keep getting weird type of dreams.
And I hate it.
I want them to talk to me.
Wish me happy birthday.
Laugh with me.
I don't why they ignore me so much.
I feel weird.
And I hate it too.....,
My elder brother came and he wishes me birthday
Am happy
I love him
He was the first person who supported when-
I don't want to remember
He is one year older than me but he act like he's some teen.
I saw my younger siblings coming.
They wish me too.
But it's already past my birthday.
Whatever am happy cuz at least they did.
But am still waiting for my father.
It's 12:27.
My siblings have already slept.
I don't know how they sleep so early, like I can't sleep until I saw my mum for last time.
It's 12:40.
Where's she?
She always come to check on us.
Did something happens??
Is she alright??
.........
......
.....
[and I don't know how sleep with so much of a stressed mind]

'The next day,
I don't know how I woke up at 5.
I saw that dream again but luckily I keep forgetting them,
Mum said it's good if u don't remember your dream.
I remember something..
I ran outside the room to look for mother.
There she is cooking.
I took a breath of relief.
I got freshen up.
And I did help her a little,
I woke my elder brother up for school.
We got ready.
Eat.
And now we are at school.
The school is the only place which I got to laugh.
But it wasn't my luck today.
A girl in my class hates me cuz am brown-
She made a new friend.
The keep talking bad about me.
I told her to shut up.
She slaps me!
I was shocked.
I got no words at that time.
I stayed quite.
I wasn't able to smile.
I feel bad.
And I don't know why.
It's finally going time.
I was just sitting waiting for the driver to come,
While my brother was playing at swings.
Suddenly there's a boy coming towards me.
I hate it. Why are they keep looking at me.
He was now in front of me.
While I saw how his friends were going to push me
It who's going on in a slow motion.
And I didn't realize how and when my brother came and pushed him away, he even kicked him.
I am scared.
We are just some kids.
Just than we hear our name.
It time to go, the drivers here.
I hate him too.
It's just he's too touchy.
He sometimes hold my hand for no reason.
It feel bad.
I hate it.
I feel dirty.
He even have a son who's with him.
He's 3.
Am happy that am finally home.
But I saw father is early today. A little too early.
And he's angry.
I try to keep my distance from him.
Cuz once I was talking too much 'according to him'
So he slaps me saying a talk to loud and to much.
But my teacher says I speak too low...,?
He left.
Finally I can roam freely.
We did lunch.
Did our school work.
Did cycling.
I love cycling but my father says I should do it Because I am a girl.
It I still do.
Cuz my mother says it okay to do it.
I listen to her.
It's 07:08
I saw my siblings playing on my tab.
I ask them that I need it.
I too need to use it.
But they refused to give me saying that the game is still going on.
But i too want to play and it's my tab.
Or father will come and will be angry if he saw us using it.
I try snatching it.
But they keep saying to wait.
I saw the main door open.
Father enters.
He is there. Staring at us.
I told me siblings to give me my tab back because if father will see he will take it.
But than my younger sister shouts.
Father was already angry.
Now I can see flames coming out of his ear.
He hates noises.
And he love my younger sister so much.
I saw him coming towards us.
He snatch the tab from my sister and threw it against to wall so hard that I saw it crushing it into pieces.
It was my first ever tab and gift I got for getting good marks in my exams.
Than father says "if there will be no tab than no fighting."
I am so sad now.
And my siblings keep blaming me,
Saying if I wouldn't have tried to take tab from them than this would have happened.
Is it really my fault.
I told my mum.
She also said that it my fault.
It hurts.
I was sad the whole week.
Getting over the fact that I wasn't wrong.
They make feel like I am always wrong.
I feel bad.

"After some months'

We are finally going to eat outside.
Am so happy.
I love roaming around the city.
No matter how.
In a restaurant!
We are sitting on the floor in a little room waiting for our food.
Father's talking while,
I saw my younger siblings fighting over a pillows.
I don't want them to get beaten up.
I tried making them even by taking one.
But now they are yelling at me, telling to give one of them one.
Father was already angry,
He's having an argument with someone on phone-
Suddenly I feel something on my head,
My head feel wet now'
Just than I realize that father has thrown his phone at me.
Suddenly an feeling sharp pain on my head,
It's so painful.
That i almost shouted.
I tried touching the place where it get hits,
It hurts,
My hands feels wet,
When I look at them all I saw was red.
Red Blood.
I look at my mom,
She is shocked?
Or confused?
I don't know.
She ran to me.
I can't see.
It's so blurry.
I saw my mum making me stand up and taking me somewhere.
We are at the hotels toilet,
Didn't someone noticed the blood on the floor.
Who even cares.
My mum started watching all the blood from my head.
And the next thing I know was all black.
I woke up.
And I realize am in a car.
My head was tied with my own scarf,
........
...

'And here was the first chapter...
'Hope u liked it.👍🏻