My struggles with food continued all throughout elementary and middle school but only started to get bad when I got to high school.
I had started fresh in a new school so that I could have a clean slate. I was still 'skinny' but not skinny to the point that people could tell I had an eating disorder.
The first few weeks there were great, I had made lots of friends and they all thought that I had an amazing body. Believe it or not but I was blessed with big boobs so you can imagine, small waist, big boobs and prominent collar bones. You get it right.
I Can't pin point exactly when it all went wrong but I guess sometime after that, I was under the impression that those girls were only friends with me because I 'looked good' and then something in my brain told me i couldn't be skinny enough.
I thought that if I put on any weight, they would think I'm just like any other girl. Why would they want to stay friends with me? So I decided it would be best to just loose it all.
And i did, by the end of the month, I had lost 1.8kg and it felt like such a high. I know it sounds vain, but it's not just about me wanting to look good. It was my way of standing out from the crowd.
It was the only way I knew how to keep my friends. Was this the result of years of bullying? Possibly, but none of that mattered to me. For the first time I got compliments about my looks.
I would exercise every morning before school, relying on the energy I got from my dinner the night before. No breakfast was allowed, it was only two meals a day. Sometimes just one, if I felt fat that day.
Every time I felt like I had finally shed enough weight, someone would tell me how skinny I looked or how they would kill for my body and it only made me want to get thinner.
I lived by the words 'nothing tastes as good as skinny feels'. It was like a drug that I couldn't get enough of. Seeing the numbers on the weighing scale decrease each day, It filled my empty stomach. Skinny was all I was, all I ever will be, It was what I craved.
about 6 months into my 'diet' and everything was going great. Reached month 7 however, and everything started to go downhill.
