A Lie Like That

Chapter 5 : A lie like that

The fights went on and on. I couldn't remember the last time we'd just... been happy. Everything felt too heavy, too tangled in misunderstandings and sharp words. So, I did what felt like the only escape: I blocked him.

It was strange how blocking Ridge on every platform felt like a relief and a burden at the same time. I hadn't spoken to him in months—four, maybe five. We'd drifted apart because our fights were relentless, like waves crashing, each one eroding a bit more of whatever friendship we had left.

 I thought blocking him would be the clean break I needed. I needed distance, but unfortunately, he was everywhere I went. Seeing his face every day, feeling his eyes on me during those silent moments in the hallway—it was killing me.

Every time we locked eyes, it hurt. Because for a long time, Ridge had been a friend, someone I could laugh with. And now, here we were, trapped in this unspoken tension, our silent gazes saying everything and nothing.

I had blocked him for a reason—he wouldn't stop messaging me. I was trying to let go, to distance myself, but Ridge seemed determined to keep reaching out, even after all the arguments, the back-and-forths, the unresolved words hanging between us.

"You can't stay mad at me forever, June," he'd say, almost pleading.

"Try me," I'd snap back, masking the hurt with anger. "Tell me, Ridge—don't you have any self-respect? I don't want to talk to you, yet here you are, reaching out over and over."

He'd look at me, unflinching, as if my words didn't faze him. "June... I forget my self-respect or ego when it's you. You're important to me in ways that I can't even imagine to convey."

It would be a lie to say that line didn't make something flutter inside me. But I held it back, remembering that with Ridge, words were easy. It was action he struggled with. He'd toss out one-liners that hit me square in the chest, but in the end, we'd always end up back at the same place—fighting, pushing each other away, then missing each other in the silence that followed.

"Tell me, June, why are you pushing me away on purpose... why can't you just let me in?"

I was starting to see it clearly. I had a habit of putting up walls, of pushing men away whenever I felt that creeping warmth of attachment, of actual feelings. It was my defense mechanism—keeping them at a distance before things got too real. And with Ridge, those feelings had come out of nowhere, a messy mix of anger and... something else. I didn't want him close, yet there he was, occupying more space in my mind than I'd ever allowed anyone else.

When months had passed without speaking, life continued. Exams came around, and I threw myself into studying. Somehow, I managed to do well, to make the grades that would make anyone proud. But as soon as the rush of accomplishment faded, that familiar emptiness crept back in, and Viv, my best friend, was there to see it all.

Viv looked at me with concern. "June, I know I'll always want the best for you. But this... whatever you have with Ridge, it's draining you. You don't talk to him, he doesn't talk to you, but I can see how much it affects you. It's like you're putting all this effort just to ignore him every day. Is it worth it?"

I hesitated, the words heavy on my tongue, tangled up in my own denial. Viv's eyes searched mine, waiting for an answer, but how could I say it out loud? How could I tell her that every fight, every cutting word, was my way of shielding myself from the truth I was terrified to face? That the reason I kept Ridge at arm's length, the reason I lashed out, was because I'd started feeling something real, something inconvenient, something I wasn't ready for.

The words lingered in my mind, sharp and undeniable: I had feelings for him.

It hit me all at once, the weight of it. Ridge, with his constant messages, his unfiltered honesty, and the way he never seemed to back down. Ridge, who drove me insane with his criticisms and yet somehow made me feel seen. Ridge, who felt so wrong for me in every practical way but had a way of pulling me in, slowly and steadily.

I wanted to say it, to tell Viv everything, but as I looked at her, I felt the panic rise, my heart pounding like it wanted to escape. How could I admit that I'd fallen for someone I'd sworn to keep at a distance? That I was terrified of losing him, of opening up and finding myself in a place I could never return from?

But all I managed was a tight, forced smile as I said, "He just... doesn't get me, Viv. That's all." And even as the words left my mouth, I knew it was a lie,...I couldn't get myself to be truthful about my feelings even to a friend who I  have known since we were of the age of 4. 

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