You know when you love a route so much you walk it twice?
I call that route pain.
It's not that I am a masochist ...per say
I love baby soft, sweetly sweet, tender heart, safety.
Rainbows and flowers and sunshine and fairy tales
breathless kisses, blissful tears, and heaven on earth.
But there's something about
-Pressure-
an intense burning from within
Like hot wax and cuts on skin
The hollow that should kill but souls don't die.
So, it pressures on,
And I welcome it like nighttime
thrill, blissful tears and sweet release
How can I feel wholly alive and not welcome the pain breeding
A scared heart.
a muscle that I love to grow
I love flexing it when I look straight into my eyes in the mirror
Like s o m e thing that I absolutely love
How can I not honor this bliss?
So yes, pain lives in me like a soul organ
The skin to the bones
to stay but to one day be buried.
Misunderstood.
Ignored and adorned
Beautiful beautiful pain
The boundary reminding the soul that is human
That it bleeds, that it needs what it needs
Sometimes its touches and kisses
Sometimes bandages and stiches
That there are nerves keeping us alive
And boundaries grounding us to earth
Like the grip on the neck letting go not one moment after
Not one moment before -- no need for a safe word.
Pain, I do not fear you.
You know me like the back of your hand
Pain, I am you
And I will face you and take you in like a last breath,
Let you open the cracks meant to be opened
Surrender before you, arms wide open
Pinned down at the barbed crowning of my heart
Meeting God alive
Where he takes my hands and baptizes me in tears,
Pain and euphoria intertwined
Where Grace lives and calls us to plant in
Whole, able, gotten, willing, forgiving
Giving into gravity,
My favorite way home.
