Escape Route

CHAPTER 3

They say family is supposed to be your safe haven, a place where you can be yourself without fear of judgment or rejection. "Ang pamilya raw ang laging nandiyan," they say, "ang laging tatanggap sa'yo." Supposedly, they're the people who'll stand by you no matter what, who'll love you unconditionally.

But for me? It's complicated. Hindi siya kasing simple ng sabi-sabi ng iba. My family isn't this perfect, unconditional support system. Sure, there's love, but it's wrapped in layers of expectations, comparisons, and distance. It's love, but it doesn't always feel safe. Sometimes, it feels like I have to prove myself just to be worthy of it.

First, there's my mom. Mahal naman niya ako, I know that. Pero minsan pakiramdam ko, mahal niya yung version ng sarili ko na hindi ko naman maabot.

Tapos, there's dad. Tahimik lang siya, hindi siya katulad ni Mama na laging may sinasabi o may hinihingi. Si daddy, nandiyan lang siya sa gilid, hindi masyadong nagpapakita ng damdamin. Pero ramdam mo pa rin yung supporta niya, kahit hindi siya nagsasalita. Minsan naiisip ko, baka gusto rin niyang kausapin ako, baka gusto niyang magtangkang makialam, pero hindi niya ginagawa. Para bang nasanay na siyang tahimik, na hindi nakikialam sa mga gulo sa bahay. Siguro, hindi siya ganoon ka-komportable magbukas, pero I know he's trying in his own way.

Then there's Ayah, my older sister. Nasa abroad siya ngayon, so we only talk when we can. Before she left, she was the one person who really understood me. Siya 'yung kakampi ko, especially when things got hard with Mom. She always had a way of making me feel like I was enough, just as I am. Pero ngayon, it's hard with the distance. Kahit magkausap kami, minsan iba pa rin.

I wish it were the way people say it should be. A place where you feel understood, accepted, enough. But maybe that's just a dream or maybe families are more complicated than the world wants to admit.

I'm staring at my reflection on the screen, trying to avoid Ayah's expectant eyes. She's propped up against her pillow in her room, looking way too smug for my liking. I know what's coming.

Ayah tilts her head, raising an eyebrow. "So... how's Eliezer lately?" Her voice is laced with amusement, and I can already feel my face heating up.

"Ugh, don't even get me started." I roll my eyes, sinking back into my chair.

"Still acting like the world revolves around him?" my older sister asked.

"Siya 'yun eh.." I shrugged.

Ayah smiles knowingly, clearly relishing every moment. "Sounds like someone's a little frustrated with him." She leans closer to the screen, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "You sure you don't like him? Seems like you've got a soft spot for him."

I froze. "Ano? Hindi. I— no, I don't like him, Ayah! Seriously. I'm just tired of how perfect he acts all the time." I cross my arms defensively, but it's no use because my cheeks are burning, AGAIN!

Ayah chuckles, clearly not buying it. She pushes her hair behind her ear and leans in a little more, studying me. "Come on, you can't tell me you don't get just a little annoyed when he's all perfect in front of you. It's like he's constantly trying to one-up you."

"I don't care about his stupid perfection!" I snap, though I can feel my face reddening even more.

"I just want to be able to do my own thing without always being compared to him. It's exhausting." I ranted.

Ayah's grin only widens. "Sure, sure. But I can see right through you, Adah. You've liked him for ages, haven't you?" Isinandal niya ang likod niya sa unan, tuwang tuwa siya kapag naaasar niya ako nang ganito.

"Ano?!" I nearly shout. "Hindi ah, hindi ko siya gusto, Ayah!" I can't stop my voice from sounding a little too defensive, and Ayah is loving every second of it.