The bad thoughts never went away, not really.
Sometimes he forgot about them when he was having a good day, when he could get out of bed and actually fucking work for once.
You're such a lazy idiot, what the fuck are you doing, you piece of shit? Get off your ass and help your bandmates for once!
Yoongi sighed, curling up under his covers before sticking an experimental finger in his throat, just to see if he could force himself to throw up. But his stupid gag reflex was so weak that he was unable to purge like the way he wanted. Dammit.
He knew he was a disappointment to all of the members, to the people he cared about the most in the world. Why couldn't he just be a normal person? Why was he unable to just function like everyone else? Was he that stupid?
Of course you are, dumbass.
He let himself spiral, unable to stop his thoughts.
Just cut and cut and cut and cut until it's all gone
The more weak and dizzy you feel, the better
Hurry up, you have to catch up
Don't fall asleep at 12:00, you have to work harder
You're disappointing everyone
What about your boyfriend, are you going to abandon him too
You're such a coward, this is why your parents hate you
Everyone hates you
Just die die die die die die die die die-
"Yoongi?" A soft voice called out, short fingers curving around the wood of his bedroom door.
He immediately tried to hide the evidence, wrapping his covers around himself in a vain attempt to hide the blood. "It's not what you think, I swear, Ji-"
Warm arms embraced him, a welcome solace from the eternal blizzard that he was imprisoned within. "It's okay, Yoon. Just stay here with me. I love you so, so much."
The two stayed huddled together under blankets, crying and laughing with each other.
They knew that they would never truly be happy, but that was okay.
If they could just hold onto their love for one another, then maybe this desolate winter would be just a bit softer.
Cold rain poured down outside, neither of them knowing when gentle yellow light would stream through the windows.
But they loved each other.
And that's what they had.
So it'll be okay.
I promise.
Love you.
~
