Pain is all i am

I was the victim

I was the victim
Why did they walk in the room with those disgusting eyes staring through my soul?
Those weightless questions they threw at me
after 6 years i am still carrying the burden of those
What were you wearing?
Why were you there ?
Were you all alone at night?
Why were you so close to him ?
Why didn't you ask for help?
Oh cmon he didn't mean it
No one heard you screaming
Why was he not getting asked any questions?
Am i hallucinating?
Am i really the victim ?
Do You really want the answers?
I was 13
Walking in my own home
Wearing clothes covering every part of mine
In my own fucking house
Why did he do that to a family member?
Why am i suppose to fix his mistake?
Why should i take the blame?
Why couldn't you walk in the room with open arms for my wounded soul ?
Why didn't this world not show me mercy or even pity?
Why did not a single soul said " I am proud of you for surviving"?
Why?
I yell this word again and again every time i put a blade to my hand
I whisper it to myself everytime i wakeup haunted by a night mare
All i ever wanted to hear was ' Its not your fault'
How could you tell me to be strong when you failed to protect me?
How dare you tell me i am wrong ?
What did i do so wrong?
I gave him a taste of his own medicine
He had blood on his hands at that time and he still wasn't questioned
What's so wrong if i am the one with his blood on my hands?
I was never wrong
I was the victim
My wounds were never bandaged
So they were gonna leave some scars on the world
I was never shown or taught mercy
How can i give you something i did not recieve
I'll give you what you gave me
Those eyes of disgust
As a final goodbye