𝔽𝔸ℂ𝔼𝕊

THE FIRST PAGE

FACES

What is a face?

A face is what we see at the first glance, face can be pretty, ugly, symmetrical, plain.

What makes up a face? Face is not only about the nose, eyes, lips, moles. Face is about the expression we make, face is about what people sees and perceive the expression we make, Face is not only what we see, the expression we make a face can either hide your true self or expose who you're. A lot of people get deceived by the face only, a face is not to be taken lightly.

Face is dangerous, it can attract, manipulate, deceived, disgust and scare someone...its not about the face honey its about the hidden personality you have behind the face and your face is the mirror to your personality.

There are a lot of people with multiple faces but we commonly know one of them as 'Two faced people' we always discussed about the two faced people, calling them traitor, bitch and many other foul words. But what's more dangerous? A two faced person or ten faced person?

Now you might be wondering what does ten face mean. For those people who know, knows now what is a ten face person? Honey I told you before...its not about the face its about the personality. A ten faced person is equal to ten personality. Now I know I've attracted audience its because you know you're one of them.

One who changes personality like a chameleon changing colour to survive. You, who change personality with every new person you meet and say "Its to make them comfortable" "I'm adjusting with the person" oh how reliable and considerate you sound!

Or are you really considerate? Or are you just afraid that people will see your true self? Are you really that ugly to be creating more than two face? Are you really that desperate my dear?
Now tell me, how many faces do you have?

NANA

Nana pov

Looking back in my life I had a lot of goal in my life, first I wanted to be a celebrity then a doctor, astronaut then a photographer but who would have thought out of all my dreams I'll end up becoming a professor, a boring one too.
I was a lively kid with big dreams and hope...dreaming that I'd be different then all the boring adults I've met. I was sure of it. That I'd be different. But in the end...I became the person I despise the most...even more than the boring adults, homeless beggars...

I became what mind told me to become. Despite being successful I can not find the happiness and peace I craved for ever since I was young I don't know what went wrong but I do know one thing that everything is wrong now. Not one, not two but everything in my life went wrong...it wasn't as I planned it to be. I never wanted to suffer like this...and I know that the only thing that will free me from this suffering is-

Growing up in a middle class family with a lousy household I would say I was rather matured for my age, don't get me wrong I'm not oldest neither less to say I am the youngest in my family but I always felt matured, after all I was forced to grow up at young age with no childhood.

My parents never loved each other and they would always fight, breaking stuffs, crying and yelling. That was something I had grown too maybe that's the reason why I never took it seriously when someone yelled at me. Always felt used to it.

Always felt like I deserve it somehow...even if it wasn't my fault entirely. It didn't take long for my parents to be separated and I lived with my mother along with the rest of my siblings leaving my abusive father alone.

I never spoke out my problem to my family, fearing I'd burden them more than I already have. So I never shared anything to them it wasn't long before I reached the age of thirteen, everything went down, everything in my life started crumbling down like buildings, the debris falling on to me crushing my hopes, dreams and motivation, burying me in the endless void of depression and anxiety.

My trusted friend turned into snakes and bit me, poisoning me with the betrayal I could never recover, my grades suddenly drop and everything became dull to me. I lost my motivation and started using notes to pass exams luckily I never got caught but the regret of dishonesty and to lose myself took a really deep troll on me when I turned fifteen.

Not long after that I started using blades to cut myself, holding on my last peace of sanity. Reaching a stage where I was hanging on a thread, losing my motivation to live, to get back my old self but of course no one knew, no one ever knew what was really going inside my mind, I was always the jester within my friend group, cracking jokes, laughing together at something I never found funny, giving advice about relationships even though I myself have never been on a relationship.

Love was never my thing to start with I always see it as a waste of time, a disturbance to my life, so I never indulge myself in such things as relationships or whatsoever, my goal was to...actually I never had a goal... I always dreamt of having peace...peace was the only thing I ever wanted and what I craved for...just peace.

Not the type of peace I get after the blades slice my skin not the peace I get after crying myself to sleep...I just wanted peace...I never got so....
Was peace too much to ask for?
When I turn sixteen things started to clear out a bit, a little calmer a little bit of peace without burning myself.

That time I had the sudden urge to be pretty to wear pretty clothes to be loved. I became attracted to my friend and I started feeling normal I started feeling like a normal person...it wasn't long after I started my dating journey he was great, loves me pampers me. It went on for months when one night my attraction for him was sailed away with the wind.

That's when I realized I lost my feelings for him...how tragic but I never felt an ounce of guilt for him nor did I break up with him I just continued being with despite feeling nothing for him...he was nothing but an entertainment for me...just an entertainment.

But I do know that he deeply loved me...I wish I could reciprocate his feelings but...I couldn't, sorry Kazuya I couldn't love you like how you loved me. Not long after that I dumped him but I still wanted him...so I acted like the victim and lied to everyone, degrade myself for sympathy so I wouldn't lose him even though I don't want him...I was never sure why...I hate myself for it. He deserved better.

That is how my pathetic sympathy earning journey started, I was so pitiful I looked for sympathy everywhere acted like a victim that I never was always using Kazuya taking advantaged of the fact how he still has feelings for me I was such a horrible person. Soon after that my depression got worst with the guilt and regret. My change in behaviour was soon visible to my family to the point they started talking behind my back...then the next day I found myself going to a counsellor a part of me was mad at my mom for lying to me when she said we were going shopping but another one was happy that she was willing to help me even take me to a counsellor.

In the first meeting with my counsellor I started crying hysterically like a kid but I couldn't find it in myself to tell him the truth so instead I told him my most minor problems, he was kind...but I felt like he was mocking me for crying over small things like that but I can't bring in myself to tell what really happened after all I'll lose my victim card so I let him take me as a pathetic loser that I'm.

After returning from my counselling session he told my mom to take me to a proper therapist since I was diagnosed with severe depression but my mother got mad at me having depression over such little things...but little did she know I wasn't even honest, I was never honest.... always using the victim card. At my second visit I opened up a little...but I always framed myself as the victim even though I never was the victim to start with....my mother was right... I'm really like my father.

Then my anxiety started acting up...it was bad really bad wearing long sleeves to cover up the scars even in the hot summer, but even though I tell myself not to do it I always find myself holding the blade, slicing my skin open...I was really a mess.

This is my story, of Hayashi Nana. The story of my life and my journey where I meet new people, leave people and hurt or make them happy...this is where I study the behaviour of human, of different characters in the book. I'll reveal the dark truth of Humans, their real face...

WELCOME TO FACES