The right chamber

Chapter 1

I looked at the clock. A habit I had learned myself the past 14 years. She was gone. For good. I lost her because of my own stupid mistakes. Panic and pain came over me. My legs gave up and I fell down the floor. The cold, hard stones of the street cut through my trousers but I didn't care. I cried. I cried for so long I thought I would never be able to stop. But for some reason I got myself home because when I woke up, I sat on the floor in my room, surrounded by empty wine bottles. Flashbacks of last night visited my head and the pain surrounded me; again. I looked at one of the bottles of wine, these was half full. Wine was not going to help but water either so what did it matter? I reached the bottle to my lips but a surge of sickness came over me. I breathed, deep and long. When the sickness stopped I stood up and walked to the stars. Again, a gust of sickness overwhelmed me. I waited a few seconds and walked down the stairs. I reached the couch and lay down. Then I saw the table. These was covered with plates, glasses and a ton of presents around Valery's chair. Well Valery's chair? The chair where she used to sit... I felt the tears in my eyes and I couldn't stop it. Before I knew it my cheeks were wet of tears. At that moment, someone with a stack of pancakes came into the room. "Alec what the fuck are you doing here?!" I said. He placed the plate at the table en said: "Hi Joshua. How is your head? Can imagine your feeling pretty sick?" He smiled at me. Asshole. "How do you know? And again, what are you doing here?" , "Well, I came here yesterday, to surprise our daughter with presents this morning but than I found you lying behind the couch with a couple of bottles. So I thought I'd stay the night to help you this morning. Josh, you never drink. What the hell is going on?" I looked at him and the tears rolled down my cheeks again, well 'still'. I held my head in my hands but regret that instantly. I could feel the heartburn coming up and I swallowed. A shiver ran over my body and I started to hyperventilate. "I....I...Alec she... They took..." A hand on my back brought me back to the living room. "Josh what are you talking about, you're not saying they took her right? I mean, she's only 14 and... wait" The shock in his voice told me he realized now. "FUCK!!". His yell echoed through my head. "I'm sorry..." I whispered. He looked at me and pulled me in his arms. I cried. I couldn't stop crying. I felt sorry for him, that he has to deal with this. With me.

I stared at my food. The pancakes smelt fantastic but the thought of eating her favourite food was weird and felt wrong. I looked at Alec. He was staring at his plate as well. "Let's eat, than think" He said the words too me but he didn't look up. I nod and took a bite. After the first one I realized how hungry I was and ate 4 pancakes.

After we finished breakfast we sat around the table, surrounded by books, pictures from the past and piles of papers. Alec and I had decided to search the whole history of Haven, just to find a loophole to get her out of that living hell. My situation, where I couldn't get past the doors of Haven because of some banishment from the past, must have happened before. It could not be the first time that someone had só horrible behaviour that he could not enter that world again right?! When Alec looked at me like I was insane I realized that I had said that out loud. "Joshua, should we take a break? We're searching for hours and haven't find anything yet." I looked at him, why were we divorced? He looked perfect and said always the right things... he betrayed you... but he was now helping me, right? So maybe-, "I'm gonna make tea, do you want something?" I interrupted my own stupid thoughts by talking about something else. I stood up from the table en walked down the kitchen. "Tea is fine" he said. I looked at the boiling water and my head could not stop thinking. Valery was gone, there was no way I could ever get her out of there. I was stuck with myself in a huge house and had only my good-looking ex-husband in the living room helping me to find something that wasn't there... I pour the tea and said, walking into the room, "I'm going to go to the library and look for an answer there. You can go home or continue reading these books and papers, whatever." I griped my cote and walked out of the house, the need for a cup of hot tea was long lost.

It was crowded at the market and pushed myself through all the people, rushing to get what they where looking for. The library was huge, old and insanely beautiful. Valery liked to go there, just to sit in the old church and look at the stained glass windows. I climbed the staircase and walked through all the bookcases. At the end of the hall there was a shelf with only old history books. It told the whole history of all the worlds in our universe. Included Haven. When I was banned I had read every single book, just the find a way to make them forgive me... but after a while I couldn't find the energy anymore. Now, 23 years later, there where a couple books more. I searched the shelf and found 5 new, old history books. Behind the last bookcase was a small table, big enough for two people. I took a seat and started reading. "Haven is the paradise of the child. Wide, green grasslands stretched over fields with flowers. Sunrays are warm, beautiful and sweet falling over the open fields. Some trees are creating the shadow places to lay on the grass and stare at the blue sky. Pink clouds are giving the kids something to look at every single day, for hours if the want. Creating pictures and fantasy-animals. It looks like its spring all over again, every single day. There are little lakes and rivers, forests, playgrounds, covered seating areas and enough space to develop your emotional and social connections. When you've entered Haven you feel warm, peaceful and loved. Nobody wants to leave. Warning: the one who leaves can feel depressed and alone. Well, they are. These people may NOT enter Haven again. If they do, they can risk eternal lock-up for the rest of their lives and they risk disturbing the ever peaceful atmosphere of Haven." I shut the book down and let it fall of the table. "Is it not coming up your path what you're looking for?" I jumped when I heard the voice. I turned around and a old looking man stood behind me. Like literally behind me, a couple centimetres between me and him. "I... no I can't find it. But I'm looking for something that isn't even there so I'm going home." I stood up from the table and started packing the books to put them back on the right shelf. When I wanted to turn around and walk towards the shelf the man stood behind me, again. I could smell his old manly scents, it was like his aura was a thick nevel around us and that it would take me somewhere else. I closed my eyes en tried not to breath. Before I knew it the nevel became real en surrounded both of us for a split second and then I was all alone. The space around me was just white, there was nothing more. Well, nothing visible. Then I saw it. The area around me became some kind of grey, a cold and dark kind of grey. I shivered. It looked like I was surrounded by clouds and a thick, soft nevel. Then I heard the voice again. I did not see the old man but his voice echoed true the space. It feeled like I became smaller and smaller when is voice was more heavy and harsh. "There is a way. A way to enter Haven. But it's not for everyone. The tasks you will have to fulfil are awful and nobody set through when they started. Not even for their own child. But it is easy. If you think you can do it just walk the stairs. The higher you clime the harder it will be, how harder the bréathing will be and how sooner we get to the point where everyone gives up. But as I said, it is easy. Just fulfil the tasks behind every single door and you will find her. But, you must known the risks. Íf you enter Haven alive, I can not tell you if you can ever leave again. Eternal lock-up is a risk you have to take to hold you girl again. But that your decision to make." His voice faded away and I focused on the chanced space I was still standing in. Out of the clouds where stairs, rising out of the grey, dark, heavy clouds. Five doors where visible, the one higher than the other. And then it was all gone. I blinked and when I saw straight I was alone. No sign of a creepy, old man.