reneé rapp - What Can I Do?
"i wonder if she notices the things that i can, you don't even get it, no you don't understand."
"i want you, but i know i'm only one of your friends"
In which Angel bellucci releases a song and ghosts the man it's about...
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"there is a swelling storm and i'm caught up in the middle of it all."
they didn't know how to respond, who would? do you comfort your friend or yell in glee and thank them? the way they felt was complicated, obviously they were happy that their best friend was out of what they had seen as a toxic relationship filled with nights of joão calling them and talking for hours about all the shit she used to do. but it was more complicated now, he knew that they liked him like that and didn't know how to approach the topic of relationships with him anymore.
"and it takes control of the person that i thought i was, the person i used to know"
they scrolled up and looked at the words 'if i got you tickets to the game will you please talk to me in person?' the time without having him around had been hard, but everything was different now, they didn't want to overstep or got joão to be weirded out and overthink everything they would say to him because the context would be wildly different, not just friends but friends where one of the pair had admitted feelings.
"but there is a light in the dark and i feel it's warmth in my hands and my heart"
the rock they had known for as long as they could remeber, they knew that if they go to that game and talk to him, they would feel atleast a little bit better. they were just hoping that he wouldn't bring it up or be awkward around them. from what they knew about him, he would want answers and wouldn't let it go, they were hoping that this one time he would read their context clues and pretend to completely forget about it all and they could go back into their regular rhythm
"why can't i hold on?"
that footballer guy 🧍🏻♂️
i've been thinking about it, ill come to the game.
cool, cool, i will send over the ticket code when i get it
"it comes and goes in waves, it always does, always does."
the drive back to madrid was easier than expected, they had that gut gnawing feeling, yet they kind of welcomed it. this is what they deserved for creating a rift in their relationship. saying bye to their mum was hard, the older woman had always been an empath when it came to her child, the woman felt all the feelings they did and was also devastated. yet because the woman was wiser she was eventually the one that convinced angel to go back.
"we watch as our young hearts fade. into the flood, into the flood"
joão and angels friendship had always felt somewhat childish and fun, apart from a few serious and deep conversations they pretty much acted the same as when they met as kids. this felt like it was going to be different and more serious, like this incident would force their friendship to grow up or die altogether and they would have to be adult in the way they handled it.
