Dusk and Desire - A Mattheo Riddle Story

Okay

Life moved differently without Mattheo. Time stretched into long periods where she wasn't sure who she was anymore—only that her heart felt like it had been frozen into a block of ice she didn't know how to unthaw. Nora moved throughout each day longing for the time when it could all be over, when she could crawl into her bed as Aditi stroked her hair and spoke sweet nothings into her ear. Then, the blissful darkness of sleep—darkness where she could pretend like she was a little girl who knew how to trust again. 

"Shh, pretty girl," Aditi murmured as Nora lay in the comfort of her bed, silently crying to herself. "It will be alright. He's just a stupid boy."

Nora sniffled. "But he was my stupid boy."

Her stupid, stupid boy who was no longer hers because apparently a little bit of extra pocket money was worth more to him than she was. Nora supposed she couldn't blame him. Perhaps if she were in his situation, she would pick the money too. Who wouldn't? She was unlovable. She was the ice queen. Why had she ever expected anyone to think otherwise of her?

"Nora, baby..." Aditi whispered. "I don't like seeing you like this. You're normally the strong one. I'm normally the heartbroken one crying in bed."

Nora chuckled but she felt far from humorous. "Trust me. I'm not a fan of the trade." 

Aditi sighed. "I would take it from you if I could. But..."

"But what?"

"But maybe this is good for you."

Nora thought back to the aching feeling in her chest. The one that made her feel like she was half-dead, stumbling around like some bloody zombie. "How could this be good for me?"

Aditi shrugged. "Maybe you'll see that it's okay to feel something for a little bit. You don't have to have it together every moment of every day. It's okay to feel like you're breaking sometimes as long as you know you'll always mend in the end."

Nora buried herself into her pillow. She was glad it smelled like her familiar perfume. She wasn't sure how she'd react if it still smelled like him. "I don't feel like I'm mending."

"Heartbreak always feels like that."

"Does it get smaller?"

"Not really." Aditi kissed her forehead. "You just get bigger."

Nora wrapped her arms around her oldest friend and held her close. "I love you, Deets. I don't say it nearly enough but I do."

"Aw, I love you too, Nora Bear."

Nora grimaced. "I don't like that."

"Yeah, I hated it too." Aditi laughed and even though Nora felt like she was splintering, she laughed too. 

Maybe things wouldn't be better today, or tomorrow, or even in a year. Aditi was right. Nora would overcome this. She would get bigger. One day, she would be able to go to her classes and look him in the face with her head held high. One day, she would find someone who would love her without bets or lies or anything else. One day, she would feel whole again.

⟢                          ⟢                            ⟢

Mattheo felt like he was dying. No. He felt like he was worse than dying. He felt like his soul was split into a dozen different pieces and most of them were still with her. 

Merlin, he just wanted to see her face again. He wanted to see her and hold her tight and kiss all over her stoic cheeks. He wanted to smell coffee on her skin again and run his fingers through her pin-straight hair. He wanted to pull her into a broom closet and lock her in there until she listened to him and forgave him. He wanted to beg on his knees and listen to her smooth voice yell at him over and over for what an idiot he was. He wanted her back.