The Thought Process of Shu Kurenai

My Parents

The first thing I want to talk about are my parents. I have gone years without thinking about them, but now I have to.

I was born to Hiroaki and Masumi Kurenai in September 23, 2005. Hiroaki is a businessman and Masumi is a scientist.

When I was little, I wanted to be a scientist like Masumi because I loved science. But now I don't want anything to do with it.

You may be wondering why I am referring to my parents by name instead of Mom and Dad. Here's the reason. I have no bond with them.

They have always ignored, neglected, and emotionally abused me. I think I might have died as an infant if it wasn't for my aunt.

I don't remember my Aunt Hinata, but I know she loved me so much. My grandparents were all dead, so she took me in. She would surprise me with presents and pretend they were from my parents. I feel a little foolish for believing her, but I guess she didn't want me to see my parents in a negative light.

My aunt passed away when I was three. I heard that I cried a lot. She was only twenty two years old. That's four years older than my current age. It's sad how so many people die so soon.

Of course, because I was so little at the time, I don't know how to explain how I felt at the time. My first real brush with death happened when I was ten, but I will get to that.

My parents gave me pocket money and simply left me alone every day. I don't know why they decided that they hated me. I didn't know it back then, but I know it now. I thought they were simply very busy people.

At the age of four, I learned to look after myself. I taught myself how to cook and ended up falling in love with cooking. I always felt so satisfied when I would look at the delicious meal I made myself. I started cooking because I had to, but I continued doing it as I grew up because I wanted to.

However, whenever I cook for my parents, they never thank me for it. But I continued to do it because I loved them.

Never did once my parents said something like, "I love you, I am so proud of you, or how's your day?" I thought this was normal until I went to Valt's house.

I will talk about Valt later. But I couldn't help but notice the way he ran excitedly to greet his mother. Chiharu kissed all three of her kids on their foreheads. She read them bedtime stories, talked to them, and gave a ton of affection to them.

One day, I even asked my parents why they weren't like Valt's parents. Unfortunately, they got angry and punished me. I got smacked, but what hurt the most was all the names they called me. I won't write them down. I don't think I can deal with this.

Okay, I'm back. I needed to cry for a bit. You might think I hate my parents, but I don't.

I don't even dislike them. I just pity them. Hiroaki and Masumi have never shown me any love because I am a burden to them.

I don't agree with that type of thinking. As manager of the Raging Bulls, I try to pay attention to all the bladers. Everyone deserves to have their needs met.

I might be able to give myself food to eat. I could have a roof over my head. But I couldn't give myself the love and affection I had been craving.

Every day I would think, "Why am I not good enough for my parents?" It's sad, but true. I thought if I never caused any trouble and was an amazing child, my parents would love me. But no matter what, it was never good enough.

Thanks to them, I grew up with low self esteem. I was afraid to voice out my thoughts and hid my pain. It was not healthy, but I convinced myself everything was fine.

But I could only pretend for so long.