We loved like we were trying to make up for lost time.
Every tough an apology,
an "I am sorry I haven't been with you every day since elementary school."
-Caitlyn Siehl, What We Buried
-Aryan-
They say, love is magical. Perhaps, it is, but in that moment I only felt that love is hopeful. Baba's films taught me that love comes with the melody of mandolins, but my love made me realise and experience that love is much quieter and often comes to you in silence. That message from my love found me in the darkest silence of my life.
I sat in my room with the lights off. A thin beam of light from the lawn outside creeped in from between the long curtains of the room's window. Memories flashed before my eyes, the first time I saw Manasvi in the studio after years of having no trace of her, the party I finally spoke to her at- her voice still sounded familiar- as if I had just heard it a day prior, her white kurta shining in the pitch dark night at Bandstand, the movement of her lips as she quoted lines from books often, the soft brown hands that served me the best mutton biryani i ever had and the hands that held my neck as our lips met, the feel of her head on my shoulder, the lips that kissed the cup of chai while the sun lit our world, her figure as well as her heart dancing in the Mumbai monsoons, everything, everything about her etched in my heart forever. Memories of her consumed the silence, but then silence can also be heard, heard in the ticking of the mini rolex daytona wall clock that sat on my desk, I heard the silence in the heavy breathing of my pet dog Boult who was sleeping on the futon. Although no harsh sound could reach my floor, I could hear faint, really faint noises of the insects whizzing in the balcony, the fast blowing wind, the faint rumbling of a heavy vehicle far outside on the road. Nonetheless, the only voice my heart wanted to hear was that of Manasvi calling out my name. Her mouth spelling my name sounded the same as as the sound of brewing coffee, I introspected what I was thinking for a while. Yes, my thoughts continued, when she called out my name it felt as if a long lost wanderer had finally arrived home. I was the wandered, lost and scared, and now I had a home that was calling me to live in it. Maybe, just maybe, I lost that home-- the mere possibility of losing the home I had found in Manu had me desperately trying to catch my breath.
~
"Thankyou. Thankyou so much, Manasvi." I said, as Manu sat beside me in the car.
"Don't say that. Actually, I should apologize, it's all my fault."
"No--"
"I blamed you for nothing, absolutely nothing. In fact, you supported me. Stood up for me." she continued, "I should've thanked you but all I did was trying to cut you off." Her voice reflected genuineness.
"Oh-- oh-- okay.." she folded her hands while speaking and I held them, "Don't- it's alright. I understand what you felt like."
"But,"
"Now, enough of all the apologies and stuff. I am glad that you agreed to meet me." I interrupted her.
"What are we up to?" she asked. "What's the plan?"
"I don't know. Is there a need to have a plan always? Can't some things just happen for the sake of it?" I pronounced, sitting in my car while it was parked on the crowded street of Lower Parel where we had decided to meet that day.
