Red Wine (ScotFra)

Lust

F R A N C I S

All my life, the smell of roses has wafted through the air around me. Wherever I went, their allure was a constant. The gentle stinging of their scent followed me in every place and I noticed them in the air, on the wind, and on the coats of strangers. I never grew tired of it, either. Besides the pleasant aroma the flower provided, it was the symbolism behind it that was the rose's allure. Roses and love are always connected. The very symbol of a rose is always associated with passion and love and sacrifice and beauty. Like the infamous rose under the glass of the Beast, wilting slowly while waiting to be freed by the Beauty.
I fell in love with love. The idea of it thrilled me and sparked a feeling within my chest of interest and curiosity and... And yearning.
I had never wanted anything more in my life to love and be loved by another. I would see couples everywhere I went, and I would imagine myself in their shoes. Having someone look at me lovingly and smile to me, whispering words which we shared we no other person. Everywhere I would go, I would feel love in the air. It was thick and heavy and beautiful and I wanted so desperately to be able to taste it. To hold love within my heart and call it mine. I suppose that's why I smelled roses. Because roses and love go hand in hand, and I wanted love. I needed it.
So I started looking for it years ago. I looked in clubs and gardens and libraries and markets and offices and stores and no one truly captured my heart. In desperation I started looking for it in other ways. My body was suddenly a tool to me, able to weaken both men and women to me. I never forced anything, ever. But I figured that sex was a part of love. Not the first part, sure. But still a piece of a whole. A piece which needed to be included. As it turned out, that hole in my chest, that unending sadness, could be filled a little when I was with someone. Every person I slept with, I fell in love with. Then the next morning, they were gone, and I didn't love them anymore.
That emptiness in me was filled, ever briefly by strangers and friends and anyone who was willing. But in the end, it didn't stay. The happy feeling dissipated as soon as they were gone.
But still I kept searching. I kept thinking, "This person will take my heart. And I will take theirs,"
Everyday, I woke up with a smile, excited at the full, bright possibility of finding my other half. My soulmate, my love, my one true match.
Everyday, I would glance out my window right after I woke up, sipping a coffee and watching the sun rise and I'd say to myself:
You're out there somewhere. I don't know you yet, but I already love you and I will never stop looking for you.