The Homeless Journal

Day 0

I've been unhoused at varying degrees for the last 5 years whether that's couch surfing, staying in Airbnb's, staying at a shelter and sometimes sleeping in random spots. For the last year and a half I was renting a room but due to severe mental and chronic health issues I've been unable to get my life together. I haven't been able to find stable work for over a year despite applying to hundreds of jobs and going to dozens of interviews.

I'm not sad or looking for sympathy or empathy with this project. I know that in the upcoming years more people will be homeless, poor or living paycheck to paycheck and they may find these posts useful or comforting. I want to look back at my life when I'm in my 40's and be amazed at how far I've come. 

There are some aspects of homelessness that I enjoy although I acknowledge that overall it is an awful situation to be in. There's this sense of freedom you experience once you let go of every expectation placed upon you whether it's by other people or yourself. This feeling of enlightenment was fleeting.

When you're unhoused, you are not human anymore. Kindness, trust, empathy and compassion become even more scarce than usual. Any help you receive comes at a major cost whether it's financial, emotional, physical and it's never altruistic.

People feel a sense of entitlement to you. They give you the same shallow advice that everyone gives and they act like they're doing you a favor. They give you scraps or things you don't want or need then act like you're being ungrateful if you don't accept it. The endless amount of predatory behaviors get exposed when people think you're an easy target.

I have some idea of what to expect. I know I'll be fine overall throughout this experience although things will be quite harsh as it's about to be winter in Canada.

How I got to this point

I'm about to turn 33 years old. I didn't know what mental health was until I was an adult since I grew up in a strictly Catholic household where any sort of mental health issue was due to your lack of devotion to God.

Eventually I sought out professional help in my early 20's. I tried all sorts of different therapies and medications. I was diagnosed with various conditions such as ADHD, depression, anxiety and schizoaffective disorder. Nothing seemed to stick. I've changed multiple times throughout therapy and throughout the years I've come to terms with the fact that I don't identify with my gender assigned at birth, I'm not straight and I don't have any desire to start a family or be in a relationship.

Throughout my life I could depend on my mom as a social safety net but she died due to Covid in April 2020. I don't talk to anyone in my family because I know they won't accept me as I am and they're often cancerous to my health since they're all abusive or enable it in some way. I haven't been on speaking terms with my dad who was hospitalized around the same time as my mom and nearly died from the disease but unfortunately he pulled through and I spent over a year nursing him back to health. He's also some variety of abuser and enabler but he's nice about it so people in his life don't really care. Predators are good at spotting like minded people and they tend to work together so most of the people in his life behave and think similarly.

I've been on my own and trying to juggle a slew of chronic health conditions while working various low skill and minimum wage jobs for the last 6 years. 

A year and a half ago I was able to find a place. Both of the roommates I had were abusive or strange in some way. The landlord mostly kept to themselves but he engaged in bizarre behaviors and the other roommate was one of the worse people I've met in my life because they were racist, ableist, transphobic, homophobic, abusive in every way, severely mentally ill yet self aware and they would weaponize this, sexist and they got their friends involved in their abusive scheme. They spoke ill of the dead from my mom to George Floyd, Michelle Go and anyone to spite the big bad libs or leftists.

If that wasn't bad enough, they were a pedophile and rape apologist despite being abused themselves. I feel comfortable telling people that information because they, alongside with the people in this group, like to make up stories about me and share fake screenshots to a bunch of braindead and talentless social media consumers with no media literacy or interesting life. This roommate loved to tell people my business therefore I don't feel bad about what I'm doing.

Most people would consider this a pick me. They were a college professor who worked with disabled people, they were open about their ADHD and mental health, their entire social media feed is filled with posts about social justice, they're self-aware that most people would interpret them as some little meek Asian woman despite being a they/them non-binary person.

They gloated about being able to use that to their advantage and they would laugh and gloat about screaming rape anytime a guy inconvenienced them. They bragged about harming small animals and sex trafficking women. They had an issue with me existing and despite all my attempts to be nice to them, especially during their mental health struggles, they didn't stop harassing and being abusive psychologically, emotionally and they would feed information about to a group chat of people gangstalking and criminally harassing me because I wrote some mean texts to some guy and more context about this can be found in my story "Gangstalked." They're classic abusers, predators and bullies. I had to deal with them for roughly a year.

Since these gangstalkers and awful roommates are so obsessed with me and some of them want to be me so bad, I've casted a curse on all of them. They will develop the same severe mental illnesses and chronic health issues. They will be financially devastated or the people providing for them will be.

They know about my mental health issues. It doesn't matter to them. They like being cruel to vulnerable people because they're all a bunch of cowards. They mask their cowardice under layers of aloofness, cruelty, irony, snark and detachment but in the end they're just a bunch of egotistical and scared losers. They are all literally the same exact type of boring loser who has to make everything into a weird social status or power game while having little to none of those in their lives. Their go to response is always minimizing, detaching, doing some shitty ironic or snarky bit and they all rip off their personalities from the shitty podcasts, content creators and online communities they're addicted to. Any attempt at compassion, empathy or kindness is just a set up for a longer con. They're all parasites and they know that if people knew what they were doing then they would get socially outcasted so they go to their echo chambers where they keep hyping up their stupid ideas and corny personalities. They need to control everything so they need to have an opinion on how their targets react and everyone else is wrong because they can't handle that they're the weird losers. They're completely self-aware about everything and have a laundry list of totally cool canned responses ready. 

This braindead awful roommate wanted to participate in a "Abuse Olympics" of sorts where the two of us just bully each other until one leaves and even when they had dozens of people by their side, they couldn't handle even a fraction of the vitriol they showed me and of course because they're a snake and can't handle losing, they make up all sorts of fantastical reasons why they left because they're completely full of shit and they shouldn't be taken seriously by anyone.

These people have some infosec skills so they cover their tracks and now these people have massive egos because they think they got away with criminal harassment, gangstalking and so many worse things. They just need a light touch to let them know that they're all a bunch of dumbass dorks. 

By revealing all these issues about myself, I am putting myself at a massive disadvantage because most people are judgmental and prejudiced. I'm over it. I want to weed out all people who are incapable of seeing me as I am and I want to experience life as it is rather than live in the same delusion as everyone else.

I don't predict I'll be housed anytime soon and I will be stuck in this cycle of poverty, homelessness and isolation for years to come. I know I am divinely protected. Everything is unfolding exactly as it was meant to be.

Enjoy the journey.

Now that you know I'm homeless and mentally ill, I am no longer human. There's something freeing about that for me. I can exist outside of the same world as everyone else and I can see everything for what it truly is.