Before Descended Afternoons

05

Time

They said time is an illusion. Whoever first said that, I think, maybe, was having an excruciating agony with how he's feeling like the time is passing before he could feel it in his hands; before he gets to take a grasp of it and actually live at the moment, not thinking of the past; not thinking of the future; but just now.

I wish I could live at the moment, too. I wish I could just focus on what's at present—with what I'm supposed to do while I'm here in this town.

But how could I do that when I don't even know why I came here in the first place? For what? I merely wanted to escape. I merely wanted a new beginning somewhere else where I could breathe. And spending days and weeks here made me realize that this place wasn't actually included in some lists that I've made while I was lying in my hospital bed for two months.

I wish I could just forget what I came here for. It doesn't feel enjoyable to spend your time in a place where you're supposed to heal when all it's bringing you is clones of what you had and what you used to have in the past.

"Tumawag nga pala ang mama mo, Aino." Auntie's voice interrupted my thoughts. I was brought back to the present as she spoke. I turned to her.

"Ano pong sabi niya?"

"Nangumusta lang. Sabi ko nga ibibigay ko ang phone sayo para makapag-usap kayo. Kaya lang, next time na lang daw. Tatawag na lang daw siya nang bukod."

"Oh." Tumango na lang ako.

Auntie cleared her throat. "Nga pala. Kumusta naman ang pag-punta kina Jere?"

"It's fine po. They're all kind, mostly his mom katulad po ng sinabi niyo sakin."

She nodded, smiling. "Buti naman andun mama niya. Next time na punta mo d'on, sasama kami ng uncle mo."

"Po?" Next time? Why is there a next time?

She looked at me a for a second. "Bakit? Ayaw mo ba?"

Iniwas ko ang tingin. "Hindi naman po." Tipid kong sagot.

She nodded. "Buti naman. Na-meet mo na ba si Alina? Naku ang ganda-ganda talaga ng batang 'yon." She excitedly said.

"Ah, opo. She's fine. Nakita ko rin po iba niyang kaibigan."

"Mababait naman y'ong mga 'yon, don't worry. Gusto talaga namin ng uncle mo na magkaroon ka ng friends dito. Paalala rin 'yan ng mama mo. Sabi niya wala ka raw masyadong kaibigan sa inyo? Hindi nga ako naniwala kasi sa pagkaka-alala ko, marami kang naiwan na kaibigan rito noon."

I stayed quiet as she talked. "Oo nga pala. Anong tingin mo kay Jere? Okay ba siya? Ilang beses mo na rin nakakasama 'yun. Akala ko talaga matatandaan mo siya, eh. Mag-kaibigan kayo n'un n'ong maliit pa kayo."

"He's okay po."

I think he's okay.

I just think I need a little more time.

We arrived at the grocery store, and it was packed with people. I accompanied Auntie while she did the shopping. I was in charge of pushing the cart while she chose what to put in it. She also ran into a friend, and they chatted for a while, which slowed things down a bit.

Once we had everything we needed, we headed to the cashier to pay. Unfortunately, the line was long, and I quickly got bored. Auntie was still deep in conversation with her friend while we stood in line. I tried to entertain myself by counting inside my head, but when I couldn’t take the boredom anymore, I asked Auntie if I could step out for a bit.

"Auntie, labas lang po ako saglit." She just nodded and smiled at me and continue talking with her kumare.

I went out of the grocery store and exhaled. There's so many people inside, it made me stressed.