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the only things keeping raven going right now are her cats and i love lucy.
she's curled up in the large yellow beanbag, squid and garfield both laying with her as she watches lucy and ethel talk about cards.
today is saturday. the party was last night. she should really be out at the studio or making some dumb plans with duff, steven and ozzy, but no, she's still here. she's still here with makeup smeared under her eyes and mascara stains on her favorite pillow from where she stuffed her face into it in an attempt so suffocate herself! how wonderful! really, she's doing great.
she refuses to cry anymore because of her strong-rooted hatred for it but also because she hates how inferior it makes her feel. she rarely cries but saul has really done something to her heart. it feels like he's pulled it from her chest and just crushed it to smithereens right in front of her. techinally, he did when he kissed lisa but what the hell.
her face immediately scrunches back up at the thought of his name as she tosses her head back. she's been trying not to think of him. what the fuck is she doing? what the fuck has he done to her?
she groans loudly into the air as she feels the tears fall down her temples. she can't even go thirty minutes without thinking of saul and crying again. not even her cats have been able to help. all because of this stupid fucking guy that has ruined her life again. fuck men, honestly.
she takes in a deep breath and the heat behind her eyes goes away so she sits back up. she gets up to get something to drink, tip-toing down stairs in case anybody was asleep on the couch. thankfully, there wasn't.
after pouring herself a glass of chocolate milk, she leans against the counter. and thats when her eyes land on the phone.
she clenches her jaw and walks over to it begrudgingly to press play on the answering machine. immedately, sauls voice comes through the speaker.
"im sorry raven. i was just jealous a-and i wasn't t-thinking right," he has to interrupt his own words with a small sob. raven assumes he's been crying for a bit himself because his voice is shaky and broken. she can't seem to care. "im so sorry but please call me back."
she sighs as her bottom lip quivers, padding back over to the counter to grab her glass and head back to her room.
his voice makes raven want to make another suffocation attempt.
she frowns as she tries to refocus on i love lucy in order to ignore the painful thoughts of saul spinning around in her head like a disco ball. she hates every second of this. she brings her hand up to her mouth and bites down on her nails, fighting the urge to smack herself every time he pops back into her head.
the next few minutes, she's actually able to contain her emotions and somewhat focus on lucy and ricky arguing about something.
