The Downfall Of Taylor Swift

Chapter five (the end)

“Would you hate me if I told you I cut myself?” I asked quietly in the dark of our room, small snowflakes falling outside in the cold winter air. My body snuggled close to his. We’ve been dating for a month now, but it felt like longer. It felt like I'd known him my whole life, but I was yet to tell him about my self-harm.

 

 

He looked down at me slowly, pain in his eyes like he just got stabbed in the heart. “Oh honey, of course not." He whispered in my ear, hugging me tighter, like if he let me go, I'd be gone.

 

“I can't stop.” The tiny crack in my voice was clear as I quietly cried into his side.

 

“Baby... shhhh.. shhh.. it’s okay, I promise you love.” His voice is so soothing, so calming, like warm blankets on a cold winter night after being in the cold.

 

“You’re not mad?” I whispered quietly, a slight mumble as I lied my head against his chest, my soft cries filling the room.

 

 

He shook his head, kissing my hand gently, his lips lingering there as he watched the tears fall from my eyes like the snowflakes outside. “Where? Where do you do it?”

 

 

I froze, unsure how to tell him. I looked up at Travis before speaking quietly, “My lower stomach and thighs.”

 

 

He sniffled, trying to hold back his tears and stay strong for me when his heart felt like it stopped. 

 

 

“I'm sorry.. I just... I can't stop myself; I've tried so hard to stop." I cried harder, feeling like he hates me now.

 

“It’s okay.. We will work on it alright." I felt the sleeves of his slowly wipe under my eyes, getting rid of my tears before speaking again. “What do you use? a blade? scissors? Whatever it is, I want you to get up and give it to me, alright, honey.”

 

 

“Trav..” my voice a small beg, not wanting to give it up. “Please no.”

 

 

“now princess." 

 

“But.” He looked at me with a serious look, so I got up quickly, going over to my vanity and grabbing the small box with 8 blades in it. “Here,” I handed him the box with shame in my voice, feeling like I had failed him. I looked down, avoiding eye contact as he opened the box.

 

“Jesus tay.. that’s a lot." His voice cracked. Is he angry with me or upset? ..

 

“I’m so sorry,” I said, tears spilling from my eyes again, the only light in our room being the small glow from the moon and shimmering stars.

 

“It’s okay, sweet girl.. come here.” His voice is the only thing that ever calms me down other than cats and the small teddy bear he gave me on our one month. 

 

I crawled into bed, reclaiming my spot next to him, his arm immediately caressing my cheek soothingly.

 

“I love you so much, and I'm going to help you quit, okay? You’re amazing, baby.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

Tears slowly filled my eyes, falling onto his shirt. He held my small body against his.

  

***

 

It’s December 12, 2023. Travis walks through the door with his bag across his shoulder. The house is quiet.. quieter than usual? He decides not to think much of it, assuming I'm asleep.

 

When he walks into the kitchen, there's a note on the counter. He reads it.

 

 

“Dear Travis. It’s 6:40 AM right now, and I'm writing to you to tell you I'm sorry. I’m sorry for any mistakes I ever made; I'm sorry for any time I argued with you; I'm sorry for being so fucking stupid. I can’t handle it anymore; I can't handle my emotions and my thoughts. I tried my best for the longest time to keep going for you. But I realize now maybe if I just end it all, everything will be okay, right? I loved you a lot, and please don’t blame this on yourself. It wasn’t your fault. I love you; I'm sorry.” signed Taylor..

Forever 33...