Winter's Farewell

​🇨​​🇭​​🇦​​🇵​​🇹​​🇪​​🇷 𝟏𝟗₁₉

The afternoon had arrived with a gray sky and light rain that seemed to carry away the last traces of autumn's warmth. Claire was at home, surrounded by silence, as the clock struck four. A cup of tea cooled on the table, and the soft sound of raindrops hitting the window were the only interruptions in her routine. She had spent the day organizing things around the apartment, but, like in recent weeks, she couldn't shake the restless feeling that had settled over her.

It was then that her phone vibrated on the table, pulling her out of her thoughts. Leevi's name appeared on the screen, and Claire felt a mix of relief and anxiety as she read his message.

"Are you home? I'm coming over."

There was no question in his words, just a statement. For a moment, Claire considered replying that she wasn't, that she was busy, but she knew it wouldn't be true. Even though Leevi's behavior had confused and hurt her lately, there was still a part of her that longed for those moments with him, even if they were sometimes hard to bear.

"Yes, I'm home," she replied simply.

Leevi arrived half an hour later, his tall figure wrapped in a black coat dripping with rain. When Claire opened the door, she found him with a serious expression, though not distant, as if something was weighing on his mind. He greeted her with a slight nod and stepped inside without waiting for an invitation, as he often did.

"It's raining more than it looks," he said, removing his coat and hanging it on the rack.

"Do you want tea or coffee?" Claire asked, trying to fill the space between them.

"Coffee would be good," he replied, sinking onto the couch.

Claire went to the kitchen and prepared two cups of coffee in silence, her thoughts spinning around the possible reasons for Leevi's visit. They hadn't seen each other in almost two weeks, and though he had replied to some of her messages, the distance between them still seemed to grow.

When she returned with the cups, she found him staring at her bookshelf, his eyes fixed on the collection of books they had discussed countless times.

"You still organize your books like a real bookstore," he commented, his tone playful but with a subtle edge.

Claire shrugged and placed the cups on the table. "It's easier to find them that way. Besides, you're the one who taught me to do it."

Leevi didn't respond immediately. He sat on the couch and picked up his cup, staring at the dark liquid as if searching for something in it.

"How have you been?" he finally asked, his tone neutral.

Claire blinked, surprised by the question. She couldn't remember the last time Leevi had shown interest in how she felt, at least not so directly.

"Good, I guess... Busy with work and some things at home. And you?"

Leevi shrugged, avoiding her gaze. "Nothing new. Just... been thinking about some things."

Claire waited, giving him space to continue, but he said nothing more. That silence, heavy with unspoken words, was becoming a habit between them. Before, Leevi used to fill the gaps with jokes, sarcastic comments, or stories about his latest literary discoveries. Now, it seemed he preferred to leave those moments unresolved.

"Did you come to talk about something specific?" Claire finally asked, feeling the need to break that barrier.

Leevi set his cup down on the table and looked at her, his blue eyes reflecting a mix of emotions Claire couldn't fully decipher.

"I just wanted to see you. It's been a while since we spent time together."

Although his words seemed sincere, something in his tone made Claire uneasy. There was something about the way he said it, as if he were justifying himself, as if this visit were an obligation rather than a genuine desire.

"I'm glad you came," she said, despite her doubts.

Leevi gave her a small smile, but his gaze quickly shifted to the window. The rain continued to tap against the glass, filling the silence between them with its steady, monotonous rhythm.

The conversation, when it finally started, was superficial at first. They talked about the weather, a book Claire had recently read, and a movie Leevi had seen. However, there was an underlying tension that made every word feel measured, as if they were both avoiding something deeper.

It was Claire who finally decided to confront him.

"Leevi, I feel like something is happening between us. I don't know if it's just my imagination, but... you've been distant lately."

He didn't respond immediately, his face hardening for a moment before softening slightly.

"It's nothing to do with you, Claire. I've just... been dealing with some things."

"Then why don't you tell me?" she asked, her voice filled with a mix of frustration and sadness. "I thought we could always talk about everything, but lately, I feel like we're drifting further and further apart."

Leevi looked at her, and for a moment, Claire thought he might open up, that he would say something to clarify what was happening. But all he did was shake his head and look away.

"It's not that simple, Claire."

"Why not?" she pressed. "We've been through hard things before, and we always got through them together. I don't understand why everything feels so... different now."

Leevi ran a hand through his hair, visibly uncomfortable. Finally, he spoke, but his words were an unexpected blow.

"Maybe it's because I don't always want to talk. Because not everything has to be an endless conversation about feelings."

Claire felt the impact of his words like a stab to the chest. She wanted to respond, to defend herself, but she couldn't find the right words. The coldness in his tone was something she hadn't experienced before, and she didn't know how to handle it.

"I'm just trying to understand you," she said at last, her voice softer.

Leevi looked at her, and for a moment, his expression seemed to soften. But then, as if remembering something, it hardened again.

"Sometimes I don't want to be understood. Sometimes I just want things to be simple."

Claire nodded slowly, feeling an invisible wall rise between them. There was love in their friendship, she knew, but there was also something dark and complicated now separating them. And though she wanted to fight for what they had, she wasn't sure how to do so if Leevi wasn't willing to let her in.

The visit ended shortly after. Leevi stood and grabbed his coat, avoiding prolonging the moment.

"Thanks for the coffee," he said, his tone almost mechanical.

"Leevi..." Claire began, but he interrupted her.

"See you, Claire. I'll text you later."

And with that, he left, leaving Claire standing by the door, staring at the empty space he had left behind. She stayed there for a moment, trying to process what had just happened. There was something in the way Leevi had looked at her, something she couldn't quite identify but that caused her a deep ache.

Finally, she closed the door and leaned against it, letting out a shaky sigh. The rain continued to fall outside, and Claire wondered if they would ever find a way to reconnect. For now, all she could do was hold on to the memories, even though they felt increasingly distant.