Winter's Farewell

​🇨​​🇭​​🇦​​🇵​​🇹​​🇪​​🇷 𝟏𝟒₁₄

Winter was still in full swing, and the city seemed trapped in a perpetual state of lethargy. Claire woke earlier than usual that day, feeling the weight of monotony creeping into her routine. She gazed out her bedroom window, watching the small droplets of water trickling down the glass from the overnight drizzle. It was as if the world mirrored her melancholy.

While brewing coffee in her tiny kitchen, her thoughts, as always, wandered back to Leevi. It had been nearly a week since they last spoke, and although she was used to his occasional disappearances, this time the silence felt different. His messages had become shorter, and when they did meet, his tone was distant, almost cold. Claire tried not to take it personally, but the emotional void he left behind was hard to ignore.

With a hot cup of coffee in hand, she sat on the sofa and looked at her phone. She considered texting him but hesitated, haunted by the memory of their last conversation. There was something in his words, in the way he had looked at her, that made her second-guess herself. Why do I always have to be the one to reach out? she thought, a mix of frustration and sadness washing over her. She wanted to understand what was happening but was growing weary of being the one to keep their connection alive.

Determined to shift her focus, Claire decided to head out. With the day off from the bookstore, she thought about visiting the café where she and Leevi used to meet. Even though she knew he likely wouldn't be there, the familiar ambiance—the smell of coffee and the soothing hum of other people's conversations—seemed like the comfort she needed.

The café was busier than usual when she arrived. A group of students occupied one of the long tables in the center, and an elderly couple chatted quietly in the corner. Claire found a seat by the window and ordered a cappuccino. She settled into her chair, pulling a book from her bag in an attempt to lose herself in its pages.

But her mind kept drifting back to Leevi. She remembered one of their first visits to this café. It had been a rainy afternoon, and they'd ended up there by chance, escaping the bad weather. Leevi had insisted she try a strong coffee, even though she preferred something sweeter. They'd spent hours talking about everything and nothing, the conversation flowing effortlessly.

Now, the memory brought a smile to her face, tinged with sadness. How did we get to this point? she wondered, closing the book without having read a single page. She stared out the window, watching as a light drizzle began to fall again, and decided she couldn't go on like this. If Leevi wasn't willing to talk, then she would have to take the first step.

She pulled out her phone and typed a short message: "Hi, would you like to meet today? I'm off and thought we could catch up." She hit send before she could overthink it and placed her phone on the table, trying not to dwell on whether or not he'd respond.

Time passed slowly as she sipped her coffee and leafed through her book without much focus. Each time her phone buzzed, her heart leaped, only to find it was Julia or promotional notifications. Finally, just as she was finishing her drink, his response came through.

"Maybe later. I'm busy right now."

The message was curt, almost dismissive, and Claire felt a mix of relief and disappointment. At least he'd replied, but the tone made it clear he wasn't particularly interested in seeing her. She stared at the screen for a moment, debating how to respond, but eventually decided not to. She'd learned that pushing too hard only made Leevi retreat further.

On her way home, the weather worsened. The morning drizzle had turned into a steady downpour, and the wind rendered her umbrella nearly useless. By the time she reached her apartment, she was soaked, her cheeks red from the cold. She quickly changed into dry clothes and wrapped herself in a blanket on the sofa, letting the warmth gradually seep back into her hands.

She glanced at her phone again, half-expecting another message from Leevi, something that might suggest he truly wanted to see her. But the screen remained silent, and a deep sense of loneliness crept in. She knew she couldn't rely on him to make her feel whole, but letting go of the belief that Leevi would always be there for her was proving difficult.

To distract herself, Claire decided to bake. The act of measuring, mixing, and kneading always brought her a sense of calm. That day, she chose a simple chocolate chip cookie recipe—one she knew Leevi loved. Even though she wasn't sure when she'd see him next, the thought of doing something that reminded her of him made her feel a little less alone.

As the cookies baked, the sweet aroma filled her apartment, and a small smile crept onto her face. It was a fleeting comfort, but in that moment, it was enough.

Later, as she curled up on the sofa with a cup of tea and a warm cookie, an unexpected message lit up her phone.

"I'm free. Want to come over?"

She read the text several times, as if to convince herself it was real. Her heart skipped a beat, but a twinge of anxiety followed. She wasn't sure what to expect from him, especially after how distant he had been.

Deciding to seize the opportunity, she grabbed her coat and packed some cookies to bring along, hoping the gesture might help ease the tension between them.

When she arrived at Leevi's apartment, he was lounging on the sofa, the TV on but ignored. He seemed more relaxed than he had in days, and Claire felt a small wave of relief at the sight of him.

"I brought something for you," she said, pulling out the cookies and placing them on the table.

Leevi smiled—a brief, genuine smile—and took one of the cookies.

"You know these are my favorite," he said after a bite. "Thanks, Claire."

His comment warmed her, as though a piece of the old Leevi had momentarily surfaced. She sat beside him, and they began talking, starting with small, inconsequential topics: the weather, work, and recent TV shows.

Gradually, the conversation turned more serious. Unable to ignore the weight on her heart, Claire decided to address the growing distance between them.

"Leevi, are we okay?" she asked, her voice soft but steady. "I feel like something's changed, and I don't know how to fix it."

Leevi looked at her, and for a moment, she thought he might respond with his usual indifference. But then his expression softened, and he let out a sigh.

"I don't know, Claire. I guess I've been... distant. But it's not about you. I've just had a lot on my mind."

"I get that," she said gently. "But sometimes it feels like we're not the same anymore. And it scares me to think I might be losing you."

Leevi remained silent for a moment, the conflict in his eyes evident. Finally, he spoke.

"You're not losing me, Claire. But sometimes I feel... stuck. Like I can't be myself. And that's not your fault—it's just me."

His words were vague, but they offered a small sense of reassurance. Despite the distance between them, he still cared. Claire knew it wouldn't be easy to bridge the gap that had grown, but in that moment, she chose to hold onto the hope that their connection could be mended.

The night ended with the two of them sitting on the sofa, sharing the cookies Claire had baked. Though the tension hadn't entirely disappeared, there was a calmness in the air—a reminder that, despite everything, something of their bond remained.