Who am I really? Am I this silly little girl trying to be cool by wearing this glove, bracelet, and beanie or am I an ignorant child playing a game of dress up? A new personality everyday. A new one trying to be my own let alone the real me. Longing to be home, but what if home isn't where I really want to go? I don't even know anymore. I don't know anything. I am lost and confused. Yearning for that feeling of welcoming and like I belong but, it just seems like its all too much. And all these excuses for everything. Where do I stop? All scattered ideas. Where am I coming from? Let alone where am I going? Ink vanishing. Skies not clearing. I gaze at my own reflection in the window pondering my ever wondering mind. Cars coming as fast as they go. The gentle swaying of every thought and motion. Soft swift movements of the swaying tree in the harsh dismantling wind. How do they make something so destructive with eligance and with beauty? Thats the secret of the trees the seceet of me and of life. Hot breath. Splattered paint. Soft coats of all lengths. The beat of the music is in rhythm of the beat of my heart. Why is it that I can see, hear, smell well make these things out when I feel so numb? My emotional pain may or may not have gone away. All I know is that for now I have on a plastered smile. Feeling physical pain is the only way I know that im alive....well at least surviving. It shows me I have another day...just one more. My mind feels like this weather; cloudy, muggy but beautiful in its own special ways. I am dismanted, tearing at the limbs. Too afraid to go to sleep, afraid of another lifeless day. Numb, emotionless, ttudging forward. Staring at the road ahead anticipating the end. Hoping for a change of senery.... Whats left is to be like the mountains. Let life erode my outershell and reveal the new me.....maybe even the true me
