Can I Still Be A Star?

A Complicated Start

Rui and Tsukasa loved each other. Anyone at Kamiyama could tell you that. It wasn't always that obvious, though. Everyone first knew them as the "Weirdo Wombo Combo". Two boys who got into mischief and were practically glued to the hip.

Then, they actually started dating. Most students found it weird to see them so...affectionate. Kisses on the cheek, cuddling on the rooftop, pet names. All normal high-school romance, right?

Well, until "that" somehow turned into two bright red lines on a pregnancy test. Correction. Three pregnancy test. Buying them was embarrassing enough(surprising with all the other things Tsukasa did) but maybe taking it in the school bathroom was even worse!

Tsukasa couldn't even begin to comprehend what he felt. Shame, embarrassment, guilt! He was apart of the school's Disciplinary Committee! He was supposed to set an example! None of that couldn't begin to compare to the strongest thing he felt right now. He felt like a liar. He had lied to Rui.

He whispered the soft words that Rui had asked him.

"You're on birth control, right?" The way Rui's eyes sparkled with affection, he would never forget the sight.

"Of course I am! I wouldn't dream of forgetting that." Was his confident response.

Yet, he had. He'd never lie to Rui on purpose, unless it was something really bad! Actually, he didn't even know he had lied. He was so busy focusing on school, on shows, and on other things in his life! He had forgotten to take it...that one time cost him.

Rui didn't deserve this. He was always so nice, he cared about Tsukasa probably more than Tsukasa could ever imagine. Sure, Tsukasa had dreams but, Rui had ones too. He couldn't bear the thought of taking away Rui's dream due to his own selfishness. Yeah, babies were made by two people, at some point his parents taught him that. It was his fault in this case. He caused this for himself. He could never blame Rui.

He felt...pathetic, to say the least. He was more than responsible enough to not even do it with Rui before they were adults! Was it out of love? Desperation? He craved...some sort of touch. Something to make him feel loved. Something to fill the gap created when he was little.

_

Tsukasa frantically paced the tiled flooring of the Tenma household's upstairs bathroom. Back then forth, then back again. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't even scream. It was like the walls were closing in on him.

Closer, then closer, until he'd be squished between them. Maybe that'd be better. Better than his current fate. His current fate of telling his troupe mates, or Toya, or Saki, or his parents, how terribly he messed up.

This wasn't some play. Something he could shrug off. Shrug off like all of his other troubles. He wished he could. Shrug it off or just disappear. Would anyone really miss him if he did? It was always "You're too loud" "You complain too much" "Hey, isn't it that weirdo?"

Those things never seemed to affect him, at least, in the moment. He didn't realize how much they actually hurt until they repeated in his head. Circling around like some vicious shark.

His parents would always tell him, "You have a bright life ahead of you, so don't waste it". Let's be honest, anyone over 30 could tell you that. Chances were, they were miserable and didn't accomplish their dreams, so saying that didn't them cost anything.

It didn't matter. He wasn't smart enough to listen. How bright could his life possibly anymore? Pregnant at 17. He had lived 17 whole years of his life, just to have this happen. Did he really learn nothing over 17 years?

He curled up in the corner of the bathroom. Why was this so overwhelming? He pulled at his hair, a habit he did when stressed. But then, he started hyperventilating. He desperately wished that he could cry in someone's arms. When was the last time he had done that?